The other night, after a somewhat intense conversation and VERY great sex with Gray, I was feeling a bit deflated when I kissed him goodbye.
Gray and I are something more than FWB and something less than “in a relationship.” Part of me wants it to “work out” for us, and part of me likes things the way they are. But I do not want to be the one making that decision alone, I want it to be something that we each want, equally. And right now, sex is the only thing that really fits that criteria. That and a smattering of dates interspersed.
But as I sat thinking about our conversation, and its’ heaviness, I started feeling as though I would never really be emotionally open to a relationship with anyone else because I’m in love with Gray. That’s around the time Whiskey called and wanted to discuss OUR relationship.
$%!@#!! My first thought was I don’t even have the strength. My second was, he deserves to know exactly how I’m feeling. So I let him have it. I was BRUTALLY honest with him in the 30 minute conversation that followed, saying I have no clue if I’ll ever be able to be exclusive again, and not only that, I have no clue if I even WANT that. I reiterated the fact that I’m not monogamous and I have no plans to become such.
I finished with, it’s probably a bad idea for us to have sex until our relationship needs and wants are a little more solidified. My concluding words were, “Maybe we should never have sex, and we should just be friends.” I felt like I was babbling, and in my own mind I was making about as much sense as Donald Trump becoming president and I figured it would send Whiskey for the hills, and I knew I wouldn’t blame him one bit.
There was a short silence on the other end of the phone, and I felt like I was waiting for a pin to drop. Then his deep strong voice slowly drawled, “Well, I appreciate you being honest, and I definitely think this was a conversation we needed to have. If for no other reason, than from a health and safety aspect. That being said, if you want to have sex, I think we should have sex.
My mouth dropped open. “Really? Seriously?” I asked incredulously.
“Well yeah. As a matter of fact, I think you should invite me over there right now so we can do something about all of this.”
I was mystified but very pleased at this unexpected response. I sat speechless for a moment and he filled in the silence assuredly, “This is where you say ‘get your ass over here.'”
I needed no more prodding, and I even did him one better. “Well okay then, Whiskey, get your ass over here and fuck my brains out.”
And that’s just what he did. Three times, in fact. Ain’t no whiskey dick there. ; )