Gray/Lola / Love / Roberto

Love, Sex and Therapists

Been a crazy week in Lola Land.

On Monday I found out that Florida hacked into Gray’s phone and read our message threads and saw a couple of naked pictures of me. His phone was password protected but she found the code in one of his files. Yikes. Guess she really doesn’t trust him.

When she found the texts and confronted him about me, he told her this is why he does not want an exclusive relationship. He went on to say that he has been completely clear with her that he does not want a girlfriend or a wife.

She wants him to go to therapy and he asked me what I thought about that. I told him that he probably has some shit he could work out in therapy like most of the rest of us. He asked me if I had ever seen a therapist and I said, “Oh yes, many.” He asked if it worked for me, to which I replied, “Well I can’t say one way or the other if it did or didn’t, but you know what a head case I am.” I told him I still want therapy, I just haven’t made it a priority.

I do anticipate some fallout from Florida now that she has this newfound information. I’m very surprised she’s still around, but maybe I shouldn’t be. She obviously loves him. I asked him if there was much drama and he said they have been staying out of each others’ way and not really talking much. I’m waiting for her to contact me, or follow him to my house or something like that. I don’t see her going away easily, not after 4 years of entanglement with him. I did question him enough to make sure she won’t be coming after me with a gun. : o

Weirdly, even though he has this big situation going on which could easily make him retreat from our relationship to either focus on her or lick his wounds, he appears to be opening up to me more and more. He’s been here for sex three times this week. Hooray! I guess you could say it has changed our relationship for the better at this point, which is actually pretty cool.

But not so fast.

I was literally blown to pieces by what happened when Roberto called the other night. Moments into the conversation I was met with the earth shattering news that he had seen a therapist to explain that he has a relationship outside of his marriage (me) that is more important to him than the marriage, and he is soliciting help to end the marriage.

Shocked the hell out of me.

I gave up on Roberto a long time ago, as far as believing he would EVER make any steps to leave his wife. Not after more than a decade of his words not matching up with his actions…at least not to my naked eye, 800 miles away.

Over the past several months I have made some adjustments with regard to our communication, and have asked him to stay at arm’s length and call only when I request. He has abided by my wishes.

It was just too hard for me to stay the way we were when I didn’t believe he would ever leave his wife. Years of empty promises had made me weary, and distrust was starting to become a huge issue. Simply backing away was the only move that made sense for me. Plus, I have been bonding with Gray, so he has been my overall focus in the dating world.

So that was working pretty well (for me, anyway). There have been lots of times over the past few months that I have reached out to Roberto, and it’s safe to say that he has remained a huge part of my life. I guess I just figured we had successfully redefined our relationship and were working on transitioning it to friendship, despite the intermittent phone sex and exchange of naked pictures. ; )

However, I still consider Roberto to be my lifetime love. There’s a song with some powerful lyrics that always remind me of how I feel about Roberto.

There’s once in a lifetime
And there’s once in a while
And the difference between the two is about a million miles

Roberto is a once in a lifetime love. For many reasons. But Gray has me wondering if he could become a lifetime love as well. Wouldn’t that be something? To find a ‘once in a lifetime love’ twice?

Even though I’ve only known Gray for a little over a year, I feel very close to him. We have really only begun to scratch the surface of getting to know one another, which actually is quite exciting to me. It makes me think we could have years ahead of uncovering each other’s layers and being effortlessly intrigued with one another.

One thing about me that my blog followers ought to know by now is that I worry about losing spice and interest in a relationship. I think I have boiled that fear down to the fact that we will get to know each other *so well* that there is nothing else left to talk about – that we will no longer be pleasantly surprised each day. I am still assessing whether I think that could happen with Gray, but I don’t really worry about that with Roberto, given the fact that a phone call from him still excites me after a decade.

Through the course of processing this bombshell Roberto dropped, I have been wondering if it will have to come to an ‘either or’ situation. I have concluded (I think) that it seems impossible to have both men in my life as lovers. I don’t see myself seeing them concurrently, given my deep emotional connections to each of them. I made the choice relatively easily to separate myself from Roberto last year, given his extreme lack of progress towards me, but now he has changed the game slightly. Or at least he has begun to show signs of doing so. And from where I sit, it’s no small move on his part.

I told one of my friends that I’m afraid Roberto will steal my chance with Gray. Yeah, I know I have much of the control over whether I allow that to happen, but Roberto has a lot of history in the bank with me and it’s not so simple to consider choosing another man over him, even though that man is Gray.

I do know that I have wanted to marry Roberto several times over the years, and he has said he wants to marry me. I imagine if he actually does leave his wife that will be on the table. Even as anti-marriage as I am, it really doesn’t bother me to think of settling down with Roberto. I can see us being happy. Kind of crazy to realize I just typed those words, but they are 100% true. He would take such good care of me – pamper me…adore me. I have no doubt I would be the center of his universe…that he would move heaven and earth to keep our relationship safe.

Obviously I will just have to wait and see what happens here in the next couple of months, but it seems it could get very interesting.

I can see the situation with Florida escalating and Gray’s relationship status changing, and for the first time in more than 10 years I can see Roberto’s changing as well.

The only question is… will either of those change mine?



5 thoughts on “Love, Sex and Therapists

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