So much can happen in a week. I swear.
After my red-hot bedroom romp with Jude I pulled back for a few days, giving my feelings a chance to simmer. Ironically I was leaning towards telling Gray how I felt about him, so I kicked the idea around with Jez. After we talked, I felt sure that what I wanted to do at the very least was to disable my online dating profile and focus on my relationship with Gray, allowing Jude limited access as needed/desired.
So that’s what I did, I removed my OkCupid profile and texted Jude to see how he was doing since I had not heard from him in a couple of days. His reply blew me out of the water.
“Hi. I’m doing ok. I’m sorry I haven’t gotten in touch for a couple of days, I had a really great time with you the other night but after giving it more thought I don’t think I want to take things further between us. I hope you understand.”
W.T.F!!!! Understand?? How COULD I understand?!? We had TWO PERFECT dates, and he was ALL over me, fucking me twice in a 45 minute time period. Fuck that shit. No, Jude, I don’t UNDERSTAND!
My actual response however, was way more chill.
“Oh really? Huh. That’s surprising. Any special reason you’d care to share?”
More than an hour went by until I got his reply.
“To be completely honest I’ve become interested in someone else.”
I was stunned, and yeah, it stung a little, even though I had made the decision the day before to focus my main energy on Gray, whom I most certainly wasn’t going to walk away from. So I moped around for a day or two, feeling rejected by Jude, until with the most minor of detective work on my part, all arrows started pointing in the direction that *he’s married,* including his relationship status on Facebook. Wow. Note to self: get last name of guy before fucking next time.
So while I can’t be completely certain, I’m guessing he is just trying to have as many one-night stands as possible, one of which I fell victim to. Rookie mistake, for real yo. As my friend Sloane said though. “At least it was good sex. Would have been disappointing if he had been a lousy lay.” True that.
In a slightly more than casual text last week, I gave the information to Gray that I was getting out of the dating game.
Lola: I’m taking a break from my online dating site for a while.
Lola: A couple of reasons really. It gets old constantly meeting new people and playing the field. And I am enjoying where things are with you quite a bit. You and me have a good thing going I think.
I figured he would need a minute to process, but I didn’t think he would need 48 hours of minutes. Radio silence ensued for two full days. I knew well enough to give him space, and when he finally did text me, it appeared that everything was normal. He did seem to know he should give me a reason for being M.I.A., and the reason he gave was that he hadn’t been feeling well. As Jez says, “That might be just a little white lie, but that’s okay. The fact that he is back means he is feeling positive towards you.”
I haven’t missed OkCupid one iota. That damn app constantly alerting me to messages from new men, always distracting me, making it so easy to lose myself elsewhere as opposed to focusing on building my relationship with Gray. Not only that, but it ensured that other men were always between us. He was forever asking about the competition, and I think he was forced to keep a wall up as long as I was relentlessly introducing new players into the mix.
After last night, I’m completely convinced it was the best decision I could have made at this point in my life to take a dating break from everyone besides Gray. I think it’s just what we needed to get closer.
Sigh. Last night.
I haven’t seen Gray since my grand proclamation that I am taking a break from dating others, and boy was I ever ready. When Sloane asked me what was on tap this week, I said, “Hopefully Gray, Gray and more Gray.”
Yesterday starting at 7:30am we kept trying to find windows of opportunity to see one another. It seemed we were both fairly dire to get in the same room with each other, but we both had busy days, so the timing was challenging. There was quite a bit of build-up to the moment when I finally knew he was coming over, including an exchange of naked pictures and some wanton texts.
He had less than an hour to be with me, but I didn’t give a fuck. I was so ready to see him it could have been 10 minutes for all I cared. I was on fire with passion for that man.
When he texted to say he was on the way, I told him the door was unlocked and he should come on in, and he could lose his clothes at the door. When he appeared in my bedroom doorway, I was perched sexily on the bed, completely naked with a glass of wine. Norah Jones was playing in the background and the candles were lit. I rose to greet his shadowy figure in the doorway, and we began kissing passionately for a minute before I lifted his shirt over his head to nuzzle his warm, hairy chest with my lips and rubbed his very hard cock through his pants. It seemed he was ready to get to the bed so I led him further into the room and he murmured, curiously, “What do you got going on in here?”
“Oh lots of things.” I said proudly.
“Tell me.” He said sexily.
Laughingly I said, “Oh I’ve got wine, candles, music and me. Do you want a glass of wine?
“No babe.” He said softly as I unfastened his belt. “I want you.”
And I wanted him. When mutual desire and passion is real, it is such a beautiful thing. Yes, I do think Gray and I have finally made it to the good stuff….together. ♥