Things are getting a little out of hand over here in “Lola Land.” I attribute this to the fact that I’ve once again found myself in love with a man in a complicated “situation.” (See also a guy with a live-in girlfriend).
In my last post, Gray and Lola: Freeze Frame, I wrote about how perfect things were going between Gray and I, and that if I could take a picture of the perfect relationship scenario and keep it forever, it would be the way things were with Gray. I also said it was probably a pipe dream to think things would stay that way for long. I was right. I tend to freak out when I’m in love with a guy and don’t know exactly how he feels about me. As a result, I try to distract myself with other men, which generally only further complicates things. I’m trying to break this pattern now that I’ve identified it as such, but it’s not easy for me. My first instinct when I find myself in love is to run into the arms of another man.
Until the other day, Gray and I didn’t see one another for a month after our last idyllic encounter. There were a couple of reasons for our undesired separation; he underwent a major (scheduled) surgery which kept him on his back for 2 weeks during which time I left for a 2-week vacation. We stayed in touch though, and I was pleased that he texted me almost every day. I missed him pretty badly the first two weeks, but by the end of our one-month hiatus, I was starting to forget what it was like to be around him, how handsome he is, how I love touching his scruffy jaw while our tongues dance lightly between one another, and how it feels to have his lips all over my body. I felt sad that I was starting to lose those blissful memories. Several days before I was due back in town he set up a “date” for my first day back. I guess he was ready to see me and wasn’t wasting any time. I was happy.
We met for lunch, and I was surprised that I felt so awkward around him. It was almost like we had to start all over or something. I felt nervous around him and he seemed somewhat off-balance as well. About 10 minutes into the conversation he asked me if I had been “talking” to anyone while I was away. I looked at him kind of mystified, rather thrown by his blunt question, and he quickly got to the heart of the matter by phrasing it even more succinctly. “What about your east coast guy? Have you guys been talking?”
Relieved to be able to honestly say no, I said, “Nope, we haven’t been talking. It’s been nearly three months since we spoke, in fact.” He then went on to ask a few more questions about my relationship with Roberto which was kind of weird to me, but I went with it. Then he asked, “What about that other guy? The one who you said wants a relationship with you?” Now he was referring to Dustin, whom I had told him about on our last date.
I shifted nervously in my seat and kind of waved my hand dismissively. “Dustin is almost too much for me,” I said somewhat contemplatively. “He’s kind of sappy, and it can be overwhelming how into me he is.”
Gray seemed just a tinge jealous and started to ask a question when thankfully our waiter arrived to take our order. When he left, Gray changed the subject and I was relieved.
We continued our lunch, which blessedly did get significantly more relaxed as we chatted. He mentioned that he didn’t want to go back to his office, but that he just wanted to knock off for the day and relax, so I invited him to my place. He jumped at the invitation, and I realized that was probably how we should have started the date. No talking, just reconnecting physically. And after he left my house several hours later, I knew for certain I was right.
We were back on track the instant he held my hand in his and our lips touched. I literally felt shivers of electricity coursing through my body as he expertly guided his tongue around my mouth, and I whispered without thinking, “I missed you.” Not missing a beat he huskily murmured through our kisses, “Missed you too.”
So the feeling of our amazing connection was once again intact. I found myself soaring above the clouds after he left, relishing our sweet reunion. At least until I went over to Dustin’s last night…
Dustin took me to lunch yesterday and it was great to see him. I was feeling all sorts of attraction towards him and I thought things were going really well. Later on when he invited me to his house, I went without hesitation. But as I sat there beside him on his couch as he adoringly stroked my hand as he looked dreamily over and said, “This is nice, I’m glad you are here, this is exactly the kind of thing I want us to do instead of running all over town for lunches, dinners and drinks.” I instantly felt the walls closing in and within 10 minutes I started making my exit. In true gentlemanly fashion, he walked me to my car in his driveway where we stood for a few moments and somehow the quick brush of the lips goodnight kiss I had intended on turned into much more.
We stood in the darkness, in his dimly lit driveway and made out for at least 30 minutes before things started really heating up. The moment his fingers touched my pussy, things got very interesting. A few cars were driving by on the street in front of us, so he murmured, “Let’s go inside where it’s warm.” I calmly refused, suddenly resolved to leave again, reaching for my car door. One more kiss, I said to myself, then I’m leaving. I kissed him again but couldn’t stop. This went on for another 10 minutes until he said dominantly, “I’m gonna take you into my backyard and bend you over.”
“Okay,” I said brightly, suddenly perking up at the idea of backyard sex.
He looked down at me almost incredulously and said, “Really? It’s so cold out here. Can’t we just go back inside where it’s warm?” I shook my head no, and he teased, “Oh, so you like the idea of doing it outside, huh?” I chuckled and we kissingly made our way to his backyard where both of our pants were down around our ankles and he fingered me until I came. Then he turned me around and rubbed his huge cock along my ass, all the while murmuring how much he loved my body. He could have literally bent me over and fucked me, but he seeemed to be in no hurry, even though it was 37 fucking degrees outside. This whole escapade lasted for over an hour until I finally decided I simply *had* to go. I had an 1.5 hour drive ahead of me, and despite several invitations to spend the night with him, I wasn’t having any of that.
So there we were again, back at my car, more than an hour after I had stepped outside his house to leave and he looked down at me as he held me in his arms and said, “At first I wanted to date you because you are gorgeous and smart and fun,” he said contemplatively. “But now it’s so much more than that.” He suddenly pulled away and crossed his arms over his chest, seemingly steeling himself against saying more. “I’m not going to say anything else because I know how you are, and I don’t want to freak you out.”
Knowing full well how accurate that statement was, I had no response. So I just stood there for a second. Then I reached for my car door and he grabbed me, turning me around to face him and said, “I’m wondering when I will see you again.” I stood there frozen, unable to answer definitively, suddenly wondering if I would be running off into the woods like a bird dog when I left. He read my mind and said, “I just want more time. Just a little more time please.”
I drove away with a thousand thoughts running through my head. And the only one that was clear was that I am in love with Gray.