If fallin’s how you feel
and perfect’s what you see…
then I’d be what you mean to me.
I’m falling so hard for Gray, y’all. In fact, as I write, my left hand is tingling all the way to my heart at the mere thought of him. I’m not sure I’ve felt this way since I fell for Roberto nearly 15 years ago.
So that’s the good news. And the even better news is that he seems to be falling for me too.
Ready for the bad news?
I have a second interview for a job 1.5 hours away tomorrow.
Talk about a buzz kill, huh? I mean, even though it’s my dream job, being a hot-shot photographer at a high-style furniture and textiles manufacturer with a store on 5th Ave in New York City, I still can’t get excited about moving away from Gray. All I can do if I take the job is hope that we have enough in the bank to keep gaining interest.
It’s been nearly 9 months since I met him, but we only started really seeing each other romantically about 3 months ago. What remains to be seen is will that be enough? Will he miss me enough if I move away to keep wanting to see me? Will I? That’s the question, for which I have no answer except – time will tell.
I was just telling my friend Sloane how I feel very fortunate to have met a guy I can be sexually experimental with. I think I would literally try anything and everything that two people could do to one another with Gray. I have never felt that way. Ever. So I’m glad to know that there is a secret part of me that Gray has somehow unlocked. I thought I had given everything I have and am to Tristan. And I suppose if he wouldn’t have been such a motherfucker narcissist, he would have been the lucky guy. But it has been Gray who has put in the time and effort to show me he cares, to treat me well and with respect, thus it has been Gray whom I have deemed deserving.
Would you believe that we still haven’t had intercourse? Oral sex, yes, but still no intercourse. However weird that may seem to you, it really has been perfect for us, I think. He hasn’t pressed and I haven’t felt 100% ready to go there. I think largely because of the live-in girlfriend.
Speaking of Florida, last night when I met Gray for dinner he almost immediately launched into how high his stress level is. I was appropriately concerned but didn’t want to pry too much. “Work?” I asked casually. “No, this nut-job girl who is living with me.” He said exasperatedly. “I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking letting her move in.” He paused thoughtfully for a second before plunging on. “No, I know exactly what I was thinking. I was thinking about that $1000 a month check she was going to pay for rent.”
I tried to keep my face from breaking into a smile as I attempted to empathize. Obviously I was happy that Florida seems to be self-destructing, as it only puts me in a better position with him. Not that she has impacted our friendship much. We have managed to do just fine with her in the picture, and I have no desire to move things forward from where they currently are. I told Elle on the phone today: If I could take a picture of the perfect relationship scenario in my life and freeze it forever, this would be it. I’m deliriously happy with the way things are between Gray and I, and I have NO desire to change it. I don’t want to move forward, I don’t want to go backward, I just want to keep it this way. Forever.
Now I know that’s probably a pipe dream, and as we get to know each other better someone/something will likely fuck it up. But maybe not. Maybe since he and I are both so much on the same page, we can stay on this page together and turn it only if and when we both want. Wouldn’t that be wonderful? Sigh. #dream
We enjoyed a leisurely dinner with a couple of drinks as we comfortably chatted. I was reminded during our discussion that our friendship is the base of this whole thing, and it means a lot to me. We are still in the ‘getting to know you stages’ and over the past few weeks I’ve been picking up some important pieces of information about Gray; such as the fact that his mom died when he was one year old. Yes, one. I previously asked about a stepmom and he said he got one when he was 5, but she wasn’t too great. Anyway, last night he told me that when he was 16 years old he moved out on his own, got a 32 hour a week job and went to high school full-time. I was shocked. I mean, this guy has a 4-year college degree in Business. How could he have had the wherewithal to live on his own, work almost full-time and go to high school every day? I was blown away.
I looked at him incredulously and asked, “How did you live on your own and have the drive to work nearly full-time, *and* go to high school every day? How in the world did you do that?” I was seriously wondering. He looked at me with his kind gray eyes and sort of shrugged. “I was pretty driven,” he said matter-of-factly. “Plus, what else was I going to do? All my friends were at school, so that’s where I wanted to be too.” At this point, my heart was literally a puddle of butter flooding the table between us and I had to restrain myself from flying across the booth to give him a hug. It takes a lot to shock me…but that did it.
After dinner he came over to my place to watch the Dodgers/Cardinals Game 3 of the playoffs. How perfect is it that his favorite baseball team is the Dodgers? I don’t know any other Dodger fans, and I just love that about him. He seems to somehow be everything I want in a man. Just as he has an old German Shepard named “Sven,” and a house in the woods with a real wood burning fireplace. He’s just such a fucking stud.
Once back at my place I settled in on the couch with my glass of wine and he immediately took his shirt off and crawled over next to me and laid his head in my lap. As I looked down at him curled up in a fetal position so vulnerable in my arms, my maternal instincts kicked in and I nearly burst into tears. All I could think was; he never had a mom who loved him, he missed out on being a kid and having a mother to kiss and hug him when he was hurt, sad, or confused. I bit my lip hard as I looked down tenderly at his shirtless body and leaned down to kiss him gently on the forehead. I rubbed his back and gently ran my fingers through his hair and just generally gave him all the love I had in me. I wanted him to feel my love.
Pretty soon my hand found its’ way to his chest, which was as always, perfect to my touch. I reveled in just the right amount of hair, muscles and warmth as I let my hand travel down his navel to his semi-erect cock. I licked my fingers and rubbed his manhood between my first two fingers before taking it in my grip fully and stroking it. He got harder and I got more turned on.
Before long, I was taking my shirt and bra off and hovering over him on the couch straddling him. I was on my period, so I didn’t take my jeans off. I stuck his very hard cock in between my big boobs. I pressed him firmly in between them as I slid him up and down, allowing my mouth a chance to suck his glistening head as I went. I did this until I thought he was ready to cum and then pressed both breasts together against his balls and the underside of his cock while I brought him to his climax.
Afterwards we dressed and sat side by side on the couch as we watched the game and talked baseball.
It was absolutely perfect. I wouldn’t have changed a thing.
Wouldn’t you know I’d find my perfect match in one city and my perfect job in another?
Stay tuned lovies….