I am at a place in life that I almost feel could be a chance at a turning point romantically, but I’m too scared to take the plunge to see what might happen. I would say the best word to describe my state is “torn.”
Since my last post covers where I currently am with Gray, let’s start with Dustin, the main reason for my confusion.
I’ve written a lot about Dustin over the years. Our relationship just never seemed to get off the ground, and I attributed it to the fact that I didn’t have enough chemistry with him. But that was really a shaky theory given that there were times I wanted to pounce on him and suck his cock. A cock, I might add, which is the best I’ve *ever* seen. It’s seriously amazing. A 12 incher with the perfect girth and circumcised head, it’s a real crowd pleaser.
In fact, I like it so much that I’ve asked him for naked pictures before. He has granted my every wish, and I have always really enjoyed his body and overall looks. He’s 6’1″ with blonde hair and scruff. His athletic body is solid and his ass is sexy as hell. His body is not the only thing that is solid. Dustin himself is quite the solid guy. He’s as loyal as the day is long and has professed and shown his undying love to me several times in the past 3 or 4 years. He is a divorced father of one teenage daughter and works as an engineer. Smart, sexy, fun, trendy, good-looking, liberal, vasectomy, and one of the best things about him is that he seems to love me unconditionally.
I believe I told y’all that he had been calling me recently, wanting to rekindle our connection in some fashion, which truthfully we have never really strayed too far away from. He has always found some way to reconnect with me, and I always enjoy our interactions, and even if it’s just the attention I adore, I am always glad to hear from him.
Lately he has been picking my brain about a business proposition and decided he would like to collaborate. The project is very interesting, so so we arranged a meeting in his city a couple of hours away from where I am living.
When I arrived at the lab, he was looking all sorts of sexy, sporting a pair of stylish glasses, his black button down shirt and italian black loafers broken up by a pair of designer jeans hugging his strong thighs and well-muscled ass.
There were several other people at the meeting, and Dustin was all business. This of course only served as a tool to ignite my attraction towards him. Something about knowing a guy whose cock I’ve sucked is trying to be all serious and business-like just makes me want to shake things up or something. But I managed to restrain myself, like a good little girl, while the meeting ensued. It went on for about an hour, and as I watched him in action, noting how intelligent he was as he interacted with his colleagues, I was not only duly impressed, but it reinforced what a great guy he is.
He commanded the respect of the room and gave it back equally. To be frank, it was hot.
Somewhere between the slide show and the disclosure agreement, I realized I wanted to spend the whole evening with him. As the meeting broke up he followed me into the hallway and winked, saying, “Boy you’re good. You didn’t even take notes or anything.” I laughed and asked him if he wanted to join me for happy hour.
“Any hour with you is happy,” he teasingly grinned. “So yeah. Where are we going?” We made a quick plan to meet up after his final meeting of the day and I went to where I was staying to primp.
A couple of hours later he arrived smelling all kinds of delicious at the table where I was happily catching up with old friends. He has a rare French cologne that he refuses to give the name of to anyone. He calls it his “secret weapon,” and I must say it is intoxicating. It never has failed to make me weak in the knees.
We hung out with my friends for about an hour before he asked if he could buy me dinner. As we strolled hand in hand through the lively nightlife crowd of the downtown area, I felt good being with him. Like really happy. I saw a place I loved and said impulsively, “Oh, I have missed this place, maybe we can go in there!” He looked down at me with nothing but adoration and said amicably, “Sure. We can do whatever you want. Anything at all.” My heart kind of melted. Before we went in I wanted to take a picture. We took a few photos and then found our seats at the bar. I looked through the pictures and decided they were blurry. Dustin said assuredly, “We can take all kinds of pictures, so don’t worry about that. Let’s take some more right now,” he said as he put his arm around me and hugged me tightly to his side.
We talked a LOT over dinner. He wanted to know what had gone wrong in our relationship and if there was any way to fix it for a second go around. Our conversation cleared up quite a lot for me, and I asked some pretty hard questions. He hung right in there, remained open and honest, not even once batting an eyelash.
If I wouldn’t have had to be back at my host’s house at an appointed time, I would have gone home with him and fucked him. I would have. In fact, I’m regretting the fact that it didn’t work out to do just that. We made out in the parking lot and when I went to get in my car, he grabbed me from behind and bent me backwards to kiss him. My shirt flew up and he put his hand on my navel and let his fingers travel just under the waistband of my jeans as he gave a little moan of delight. “This is how I dream of you,” he whispered into my ear as he held me tightly against his strong body. “Holding you just like this. You’re so damn sexy.”
It was all very romantic, and I actually had trouble sleeping because I was so confused about why the hell I can’t move forward with him. Is it just that I am not ready for a relationship? Is it that I would feel smothered? Is it that I’m not as attracted to him as I have been to other men? There is obviously something wrong with me.
I finally drifted off, wondering what would be next for me and Dustin. And when I awoke, I was somewhat dismayed to find that I was all turned on by the JC kissing dream I had just had. I promptly texted JC to tell him I had another dream about him.
“Maybe we can get together next week?” Was the reply that came through from JC minutes later.
“That would be great.” I texted back.
I think I’m gonna invite Dustin over next week too. What do I have to lose, really?
And then there’s my sexy relationship with Gray…
At this rate, I’ll never take the leap for love. Or maybe this is just the ‘Lola version’ of love?