I’m really afraid I’m gonna lose my shit with Gray.
That man. Mmmmm, mmm, mmm that MAN!
It would seem that I have somehow stumbled into the perfect relationship scenario for myself, and I fear falling in love would completely ruin it. Not to mention that I really don’t even *want* to fall in love. I full well know what happens with those types of relationships, and I’m just not up for life-sucking emotion again.
For those of you who are not familiar with the perfect relationship scenario I speak of, Gray and I have been friends for the past 8 or 9 months, and from the first night we met, he began pursuing me romantically. He was honest right away about his situation, which at that time was that he had a long distance on/off lover. Despite my extreme attraction towards him, I steered clear of romance, not wanting to complicate my life again after just getting back on an even keel. He hung right in there and we developed a wonderful friendship instead. It has recently blossomed into more, due to my own epiphanies, and we have begun seeing each other romantically. (There are several blog posts that illustrate the progression of our relationship under the category Gray/Lola).
Gray and I have yet to literally consummate our relationship, yet I’m already starting to have all kinds of feelings for him after kissing, sucking and rolling around in the hay with him just a few times. This whole thing has caught me so off-guard that I’m freaking out. I guess it must be that damn Oxytocin. That’s all I can figure.
Oxytocin is sometimes referred to as the “trust hormone” because of its association with romance and friendship. It is released with a warm hug, a grasped hand or a loving gaze, and it increases libido. When we hug or kiss a loved one, oxytocin levels drive up. It also acts as a neurotransmitter in the brain. In fact, the hormone plays a huge role in pair bonding.
When this sort of “bonding feeling” has happened to me in the past, I have immediately retreated into a wild dating frenzy in order to preoccupy myself from the present situation. But somehow it doesn’t seem like a great idea this time. Maybe it’s that inner voice telling me to stay the course with Gray to see what happens. Maybe it’s because I realize running away has never worked out in the past so trying it again just seems like trouble. Or MAYBE it’s simply because I really don’t want to.
All I know is that when he texts me, my heart skips a beat….when he comes over, I get all hot and bothered….when he kisses me, I am transported a million miles away…
Quick! Someone inject me with the Oxytocin antidote, I think I’m falling in love!!!