In my last post I introduced you to my latest love interest Graham, the rugged timberman with the sensitive side.
We’ve been in touch regularly for the past month, and last weekend we met in St. Louis where he was speaking at a conference.
Was I excited to come face to face with him? I wouldn’t say excited, no. He was after all, the 43rd guy I’ve met from an online dating site. My hopes were not high at all. In fact, I would say the opposite was true. My expectations were hanging on the bottom rung.
His flight was slightly delayed, so I ventured over to his swanky hotel lobby to have a bloody mary while I waited for his arrival.
As he came up to the modern leather couch where I was somewhat seductively perched sipping my drink, I rose to give him a warm hug and the date was underway. He’s a very good-looking guy, but my chemistry towards him for some reason wasn’t piqued straightaway. That may have been in part due to what he was wearing. It was gray polo t-shirt, but it seemed a bit too large for his slim frame. However, since I knew his circumstances in that he had overslept and made it from his bed to the airport gate in 28 minutes with no time to do his hair, shave or pack, I was willing to cut him some major slack.
He made up for his appearance later when he changed for dinner, so stay tuned. : )
He invited me to come up to his room so he could put his stuff away, and off we went. As we walked I checked out his ass, which was looking very good in the trendy fitted jeans he was sporting. His shoes were also a nice italian leather, illustrating an appreciation for his appearance. When we arrived in his room he said he had a gift for me, and asked me to close my eyes while he got it ready. I was very surprised, and it reminded me of Cruise, when we first met. How very thoughtful and sweet, I thought appreciatively. He handed me a brown paper bag which was holding a coffee mug with a cute saying on it along with some coarse ground beans for my french press and several biscotti cookies. I rose from the edge of the bed to give him a hug and thank him. He seemed pleased with himself, and he should have been. It was a nice touch.
After he brushed his teeth and ran a comb through his hair, we set off on an easy stroll towards the museum, looking for a place to eat lunch along the way. He was easygoing and fun. He sure talks a lot but also seems to hang on my every word. About 10 minutes into the walk, he reached for my hand and I must admit, it kind of threw me. I wasn’t quite sure I wanted to go there, but decided to roll with it. He looked down at me and smiled. “You’re very pretty, do you know that? You look just like your pictures,” he paused and then interjected, “Better than your pictures.” He beamed and went on, “It feels pretty damn good to have a beautiful amazing woman holding my hand.”
I graciously thanked him for the compliment and told him he looked like his pictures as well. We stopped at a nice restaurant for lunch and when he slid in beside me in the plush booth I wasn’t surprised. He talked a lot about his past over lunch, what he had been like as a young man, his parents and siblings, what happened in his marriage, and so forth. I just listened and tried not to form any judgements. One thing I very much like about him are his liberal views, both politically and socially. We took a few selfies on the roof of the museum, and he promptly fired one to a couple of his female friends. I guess that means he was proud to show me off.
I was still not feeling much attraction towards him and was trying to figure out why; at the same time trying not to let my thoughts get too analytical since we *were*after all, on a date. We walked back to the hotel where we had a pre-dinner drink in the lounge. As we settled in together on a comfy couch, Graham took the opportunity to share how he was feeling about me.
“I really like this,” he said, motioning his hand back and forth between the two of us. “I like the space you create and the space we make together. You’re a great mix of being vulnerable enough to let me see you, yet you process things cognitively and rationally. It’s wonderful. I feel like I’ve known you for years.” We chatted comfortably, and I was feeling very adored. I like knowing where I stand with a guy, even if I’m not sure how I feel about him.
After we finished our drinks we went up to his room to change for dinner. As I touched up my makeup on his bed, he pulled out a pair of pants and a crisp button down collared shirt and asked openly, “What are your thoughts about skinny pants on a guy?” Intrigued, I said, “I’d have to see them on to properly assess that.”
“Say no more,” he held up his hand and disappeared into the bathroom to change. I was amused and quite eager to see how he would look in a pair of skinny pants. Since he is so tall and slender, it seemed like it just might work. And when he emerged, I knew it was a good look on him. He has an interesting way of pulling off business professional in a hipster way. It’s really quite cool. His open-mindedness to trying different trends is a real crowd pleaser. I was starting to feel my attraction level towards him piquing as I finished my primping.
He called me into the bathroom and said,”You can do anything you want to my hair, how do you like it?” as he swiftly ran a hand through his short freshly waxed locks. I peered up at his hair thoughtfully, then kind of scrunched it up a little and said, I actually really like your hair just like that.”
And that was when I kissed him. I gently pushed him against the wall with my body and really put my back into the kiss. He reciprocated with pleasure and we kissed for a few moments. He pulled back and looked down at me with a glint in his eyes and said, “I have been wanting to do that all day.”
We finished getting ready and went to dinner and he did seem to be slightly less talkative and more in listening mode. Perhaps he was tired or something, but it allowed me to feel like I was able to have more of a voice than I had earlier. He asked if I would like to start dating, and I said yes, mainly because I don’t want to throw away the chance of building something great with a wonderful man.
After dinner it was time for me to leave, and he walked me to my car and got inside. We kissed some more and surprisingly I really felt nothing. Yes, it’s sad, and I don’t know the reasons for it. Graham, however was really getting into it and had a large hard-on sticking up between his legs. I calmly pulled back and said it was time for me to go.
As I drove away I felt a mix of sadness and happiness. It was so weird. As I wended my way home, I pondered everything. The day with Graham, the thought of forging a new relationship with him, I thought of Tristan and Roberto, my two greatest loves, and the more I pondered, the sadder I got. Finally after 2 hours, I called Roberto.
“I need your help,” I said, when he answered.
“What can I do to help,” he asked without hesitation.
“I need you to find a way to be with me or to take away all my hope that we will ever be together so that I can move forward with someone else. Every guy that I meet I measure to you. And the guy I met today was really great. A really amazing man, in fact, but all I could think was, he’s not Roberto.”
“Wow.” He fell silent for a moment then seemed to rally knowing I was waiting for an answer. “I have been thinking about how to do that. I was able to get a recommendation for a therapist and have a meeting scheduled. Maybe they will be able to help me move forward with you so we can both be happy.”
So where does this leave Graham?
Graham is great, and he definitely has a fighting chance. But he’s just not Roberto. And then there’s Dustin…with whom I just spent an hour on the phone…..