Anyone remember Dustin? Good ‘ol sweet, handsome, intelligent, funny, successful, and trendy Dustin? We met somewhere to the tune of 3 years ago and had something similar to a relationship during the time I was also in a relationship with Pierce and Tristan. What a trip that was!
I just never could really see myself with Dustin, despite my countless efforts to overcome that feeling. Not that I am vying for girlfriend of the year here, but I actually spent the whole night at his place once to try to coax myself into a real relationship with him. I felt he deserved some extra effort, as he was/is an amazing guy. He really is.
But I didn’t sleep one wink at his place, not one wink. He has a very nice home; a comfortable bed with feather pillows, and an awesome solid body to snuggle up against, but I still couldn’t sleep.
We did have some good sexual encounters, one or two where I even had an orgasm! And I remember quite clearly the first time that I got naked with him, and how he stopped dead in his tracks as he hovered over me and murmured, “If there was a picture of the perfect body in the dictionary, it would be of you.” I remember thinking he wasn’t for real, that it was just a line. I was simultaneously struck by the fact that Roberto had said the exact same thing to me years before.
Dustin’s cock is one of the most beautiful I’ve ever seen, and I always enjoyed kissing him. But we also had a a couple of lackluster sexual encounters where no orgasms were had by either party. It’s one thing for ME to not to have one, but when a guy doesn’t, it gives me pause. I actually started to wonder if he might be gay. Jez met him and she said her gaydar didn’t go off, and Elle met him and thought he was hot. Actually, he was her pick of the litter of dudes I was dating at the time. She told me she would take him over the others in a heartbeat.
Of all the guys I’ve dated, (excluding Roberto), Dustin has been the most faithful. He has consistently professed his undying love and devotion to me and repeatedly asked for more chances to win my heart. He is so earnest and sweet that it’s hard not to let him try. In October of last year, I wrote a post titled: “50 First Dates (With Dustin),” which further illustrates that point. And against my better judgement, I went out with him again 8 months ago. One final valiant effort at seeing if there was anything between us that might catch fire. For me, there wasn’t.
Our last first date started by him picking me up at my house and going to a movie. A very tame and traditional endeavor. During the movie he held my hand and seemed deliriously happy to be in my presence. I do remember being turned on when he put on his reading glasses as we settled in. He’s a sexy guy, and for whatever reason, the fact that he put on those trendy glasses to see the screen better elevated his sex appeal even more. But overall, I just didn’t feel comfortable. I seemed to sit rather rigidly and wanted the movie to be over as quickly and painlessly as possible. It could very well have been the pressure of me not feeling that we are matched up emotionally, and the nagging feeling I would let him down. I’m sure a therapist could help me out on that one. (which reminds me, I still need to make an appointment with a therapist).
So the date ended on my doorstep when I did not invite him in after I kissed him good night. He followed up for another date, and in typical Lola fashion I evaded, evaded, evaded. Four months later, I moved away.
Last night I got a rather “out of the blue” message from him, which took me totally off-guard.
HELL, Lola, you are among the most beautiful women on the face of the planet, and it’s not your hair, or your curves, or any of that. It’s what you are about and how you carry yourself, which is jaw-dropping attractive, and I’m sure I’m in a long line on that one.
I’ve never been settled about what went wrong with us, which is weird for me, I’m usually pretty confident in knowing what the hell I did wrong.
I may have inadvertently somehow offended your sensibilities, you have made mention of ‘that night’ before, maybe a couple of times, so perhaps my ‘reservation’ was taken as an offense. I sure hope not, and I’d hope that you can understand that it’s not always the ‘end game’ that makes success… LMAO am I being politically correct enough?
Okay, let’s pause a second so I can explain the above paragraph for you: “That night” was the night I spent the night at his house and we had sex for a fairly long time with neither of us orgasming. Apparently he felt reserved, and is wondering if I was offended by his lack of orgasm, (which, while I was not offended, it did factor into my reservations about him). God, this is complicated.
(Now picking up where we left off…)
I know I’m smart but you work in a coordinate system I’m completely unfamiliar with. Sometimes I am dumbfounded by you – you seem to come to conclusions that I just don’t understand whatsoever, and that is a universally unique, unsettling, and intriguing thing that I’ve not experienced in a life of vast experiences. This is no small feat.
It would be a great gift to understand it. I would never impose, but I would be forever grateful if you could find a few moments to enlighten me sometime.
Here’s the thing. I think the world of you, and I miss your friendship. I’ll be the first to admit that I can be friends with just about any woman, I just look at them as a friend and all is fine… but doing that with you is like superman looking at kryptonite. It works logically but that gravity…. it pulls hard. I’m having verbal incontinence…sorry.
I adore you…. more than you’ll ever know.
Thanks for listening to me. I truly appreciate it
Sweet right? I mean, what we have here is a handsome, intelligent, funny, successful guy who truly wants to understand a woman, tells her she’s among the most beautiful on the planet *and* claims eternal undying devotion to her? Isn’t that kind of the stuff fairy tales are made of? Or at least a Nicolas Sparks novel? ; )
Sigh. But I already know our next first date would be our next *last* first date, so I will refrain from dragging us both through that again. But I am going to take the time to give him my reasons for not wanting to proceed with a relationship. Just as soon as I can get those figured out. : P
Maybe I should just invite him to couple’s therapy.