Dating / JC/Lola / Love / Romance

Opposites Attract

So I’ve thinking a lot about JC and I’ve come to the rather scintillating conclusion that I want to make room in my heart for him.

In spite of the fact that I’ve been seeing Big (who fucked me so hard last weekend that we broke my bed *and* I woke up with two bruised boobs?? WTF?!) I have developed real feelings for JC, the quiet thinker. I don’t know how to explain it other than to say I feel I can trust him with my heart, and subsequently have been letting him in more each day. I sent him a message about a week ago in which I kind of poured out my soul, and expressed that I have developed feelings for him and if given half the chance they have the potential to become quite strong.

He didn’t bolt, so I guess it didn’t freak him out. We’ve been talking every day and are discussing getting together again. There is no hurry on my end, because I know what’s meant to be will always find a way.

In the meantime we are slowly developing a bond, and that is far more important to me, because it means when we do finally see each other again it will be that much more rewarding. 🙂

My relationships have yielded two personality types when it comes to men, the ENFP and the ISTJ. Those of you familiar with Myers Briggs personality profiles will understand this. If you do not know your type, I highly recommend taking the 72 question free online test. (I would take it a couple of times to ensure accuracy). It has been invaluable to me in relating to others, whether it be dating or work relationships. So as I said, I go for two types; the ENFP and the ISTJ. I’m intrigued by the latter and understand the first. JC is the latter.  

In the letter, Dear John…., Love Lola, I write to my next serious lover about my past relationships and how they have shaped my views on love. The personality types of the most important men in my life to date are split evenly down the middle. Roberto and Alex, both several year-long relationships have the opposing ISTJ profile, while Javier and Tristan share the ENFP profile with me. I was married to Javier and *felt* married to Tristan. Those two also happened to be the most train-wreck relationships of my life thus far. Soooooo much fighting… so much passion…. so much emotional drama. Yet I felt like I was “one” with both men. I guess that is because we are ilk, cut from the same ENFP cloth. : )

I once gave some examples of why I prefer being with an ENFP male as opposed to an ISTJ, in the post titled: Lola On…The Same Or Different? and I have long since determined that I’m more comfortable in relationships with those similar to me. We just get each other.

But the ISTJ male is one who challenges me, being my exact opposite, he is the introverted, organized analytic, whereas I am the extroverted, intuitive romantic. Simply put, he’s everything I’m not. Together we make the “whole person,” and have every letter of the 16 personality types represented between us. There is something kinda great about that. Almost like we’re doing the world a service by pairing up. 😉

The arguments are different with an ISTJ. Feeling/emotion drives the ENFP and facts/logic drive the ISTJ. The ISTJ has an inane need to be right, to be the authority when contested, and that is something I don’t understand.

I’ve had plenty of conflict with both types and I’m not sure that I prefer one to the other.   Both have their strengths and weaknesses.

Opposites attract,  I’m living proof of that.  It has been said that two well-adjusted adults can have a healthy relationship no matter the personality types, but it does take me out of my comfort zone to realize that I’m actively pursuing a relationship with someone my total opposite…again.



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