I guess it’s time to meet another guy. Zach is next up.
$%#!%*!!!!!!!!! Date #2 with Ridley was very nice, and I guess that’s what worries me. A few days ago, after our first date he sent me a text saying he thinks I’m amazing and can’t wait to learn all about me. I stared intently at his sweet words with dread and suddenly burst into tears. All I could think was No, Ridley, please don’t think that, I’m only going to bring you heartache.
Tonight after dinner we made out in his car for a bit before going our separate ways. In the middle of our passionate kisses he murmured something about seeing where I lived, but I told him I’m just not ready for that yet. He was very understanding and respected that boundary, even if he did also mention something about imagining what a blow job from me would be like. Ha ha. He wouldn’t be a red-blooded heterosexual male if he wasn’t, I suppose. We do seem to have excellent chemistry, and the kissing is phenomenal. In fact, as I am writing this post, I just got a text from him that said: “I can’t get our kissing out of my head…. Wow. : )”
I don’t know how to explain what is going on with me. I think Ridley and I have a lot in common and seem to share the basic compatibility/chemistry levels, but it just seems so overwhelming and like so much work to have another relationship.
I’ll have to keep my house clean all the time, have my space invaded more often, and God forbid one of us would fall in love!!!!???? That will complicate *everything.* It’s like I look at Ridley and see the end of our relationship before it even begins.
If I don’t have the wherewithal for a relationship, this begs the question, why am I even dating at all? It’s certainly not for casual sex. That ship has sailed, I’m just not interested in that. I’m looking for that man who “hooks me,” I guess. That rare and fascinating creature who makes me want to learn all about him. And as great as Ridley is, I just don’t know if he’s that man for me. Or maybe he is, but I just don’t have the energy to find out. That seems more accurate, actually. I mean, why should I blame it on poor Ridley? Especially after 2 great dates?
Sigh. I’ll sleep on it. Everything looks better in the morning.