Dating / Love / Online dating / Romance

A Lightning Bolt Epiphany (Courtesy of Elle)

Elle and I talk a lot. We have some pretty deep and lively discussions, usually when wine is involved.

Elle’s most recent epiphany has us both wondering if instead of splitting our focus between several men at one time,  we should just try and focus on one at a time. This may sound very elementary and exceedingly obvious to you, but online dating has made it so easy for us to juggle men that we didn’t even realize what was happening. Our experience in the dating trenches has shown us that the options truly are endless, which really makes dating a never-ending process.

By juggling four, five, sometimes even TEN men at a time we are keeping our options open for the ever elusive “someone better.”  We suffer from the maddening feeling of remembering how love at first sight feels, and not wanting to settle for less than a lightning bolt which starts fireworks upon meeting someone.  The addiction of “that feeling” has us keeping perfectly good men at bay, waiting for lightning to strike again.

I knew a girl in grade school who actually was struck by lightning twice, and no, I don’t mean she found love at first sight twice, she was literally struck by lightning on two different occasions. I would say the odds of that happening are pretty damn slim, like less than 1%. There’s gotta be some study to back that up, but I’m not going to Google it right now since I’m in the middle of my own study.  😛

I wrote a post relating to the ‘love at first sight odds’ awhile back called Marco Increases Lola’s ‘Love Odds’ to 6%. That’s the kind of feeling I’ve been searching for, that feeling that causes my nipples to get hard in his presence and shivers to run up and down my arms.  That melting feeling I got when Marco slid into the booth next to me and said playfully, “Hey trouble.

But as Elle and I discussed at length, maybe that’s the wrong angle. Maybe nurturing one man out of our crowd of admirers is the route we should take. Who is to say that love has to come from an immediate bolt of lightning? Sure, that’s an addictive feeling which causes a blissful rush, but what about taking the time to get to know a guy we are attracted to but didn’t necessarily feel “bowled over” by? Could that not yield love too? Maybe it’s even more likely to yield love when you haven’t been set on fire from the beginning. What is they say? The flame that burns twice as bright burns half as long? Eh. Who knows really, but given the fact that we are both still single in spite of having countless opportunities to be taken “off the market,” I guess we may as well try out a new approach while we wait for love to find us. Maybe it’s time to get off our asses and nurture the small flame instead of letting it go out as we breeze cavalierly through life. We aren’t getting any younger, and it would be unwise to think we will always have our good looks to turn guys’ heads.

Personally, I’ve been on a mission to date as many people as possible in order to increase my odds of finding that insatiable, addictive feeling of love at first sight. I’ve been playing the numbers game, I guess you could say. But since Elle has decided to focus on one man at a time, I’m inspired to attempt to do the same.

Now, which one will I choose….



5 thoughts on “A Lightning Bolt Epiphany (Courtesy of Elle)

  1. I think you need something in the middle at first – if you’re just concentrating on one guy, you end up giving him waaaaay too much attention, but you dont want to juggle so many guys that you lose track of who’s who. And realistically, you wont like all of them. I read somewhere that 4 is the optimal number? After a summer cramming 30 blind dates into 3 months, I definitely think keeping your options open is the best approach! xxx

    • I was just checking out your blog, Miss Twenty-Nine, very cool. It would seem we are on the same page with regard to cramming a lot of dates into a short time. I didn’t do as many as you in 3 months, but wasn’t far off of that number. I’ve been at the online dating thing for about 3 years now….and I’m pretty sick of it. I typically talk/text with 4-5 men at a time, but I really do think it causes me to let a lot of good guys fall through the cracks because I’m not nurturing them enough. Who knows? I try to mix it up and experiment with different ideas. Keeps me from getting burnt out. How do YOU keep from getting burnt out? Of course you’re a few years younger, so maybe you’ve just got more energy… ha ha.
      Thanks for the comment, and I will look forward to reading your future posts.
      Love, Lola

      • Cheers Lola! Well I’ve slowed down a bit now the challenge is over- made sure the second challenge was a bit more flexible and relaxed! The thing I’ve found is its made me enjoy dating so much I’m genuinely enjoying being single- yet to work out if that’s a good or a bad thing!?!! 🙂 xx

  2. Pingback: 50 first dates (with Dustin) | A Tell All Blog

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