In spite of the fact I have been patting myself on the back for being some kind of dating pro, “date week” has yielded a couple of rookie mistakes on my part.
Monday night I agreed to meet a guy with whom I had barely exchanged two words. He was not on the roster for the week, but asked if I was free the next day and since I was, I thought; why the hell not, since it is date week after all, I’ll throw him into the mix.
Let’s just say I paid the price for not properly vetting him before the meeting.
I’m not going to give this douche much airtime by bothering to write the whole story. I’ll just summarize by saying that he had me pressed face-first against my car and was unzipping his pants saying, “It’s been so long…” when I thankfully heard voices coming towards us in the parking lot, and seized the moment by escaping into my car, leaving him in the dust. But not before he had given me a hicky AND pulled my boob out of my bra and bit my nipple. Our lips never touched. It was the epitome of an attack.
Lesson learned: No more impromptu dates with men I haven’t vetted by asking a few basic questions.
The following email was in my inbox from a fairly handsome dude on my dating site last week. I glanced at his profile and my interest was piqued to see that he speaks French and is in Real Estate for commercial properties.
“Would you be interested in a NSA relationship at first? Crazy, I know, but I’m just really busy right now.”
I read it with mild intrigue since I thought NSA meant non-sexually active, and while I thought it was kind of strange, I still replied to the message saying I had never been asked that before and usually try to let sex evolve naturally in the dating relationship. I then proceeded to agree to a meeting saying I was in no hurry to launch into a relationship.
A couple of days later Jez texted me to check on me after my disastrous attack date.
Jez: Have you recovered from being assaulted by that guy the other night?
Lola: Yeah. Probably a convicted rapist. Seriously he was worse than Dante. Luckily there were people’s voices nearby. Imagine if we had been in the middle of nowhere.
jez: Dude. You need some mace!!
Lola: Ass. Anyway, luckily I had two days to recover before my next date. And also luckily my next date wants a NSA relationship at first. Lol.
Jez: But NSA relationships are usually just sex aren’t they? Like FWB but someone you aren’t friends with?
Lola: I thought it meant non-sexually active relationship??
Jez: No. It means “No Strings Attached.”
Lola: Oh fuck. I’m cancelling that shit.
Moments later, I had emailed him telling him I was embarrassed to report that I thought NSA meant non-sexually active. He replied instantly, laughingly, and apologized for using an acronym for such a thing. He went on to ask if I still would like to meet anyway, since I seem fairly awesome.
He’s right. I am “fairly awesome,” and any guy who recognizes that deserves a chance to at least meet me.