I’ll never understand how I have so many men in my life at any given time. Seriously. I do NOT understand why I am so beloved by everyone but the one man I want to love me.
He said he met someone at a party and they really hit it off. So he’s gone. (but he did text me the other day, weeks after I had deleted his number…oops). He wants to do “business” with me. Ha. Time will tell if that’s a trick or not. I was kinda sad when he told me about his new flame, but only briefly, as I know that if it’s meant to be, it will be.
Since I last wrote in my post Lola meets Chase, (Online guy #??), I’ve met two guys. Cruise and Stefan.
Cruise and I have built up an emotional connection from months of talking online. Stefan was just another pretty face from the online dating world. After I finally met Cruise, part of me wanted to pack up and move in with him, leaving every other man behind. The other part said I need to hold tightly to the reins so I don’t hurt him, and ruin our friendship in the process.
Of all the men I’ve met over the years, Cruise is among the few that I have actually gotten to know enough to wonder if he might be a serious relationship. He has all the qualities I’m looking for in a relationship. Yet here I sit, waiting for Roberto to arrive for the weekend. Roberto recently told me that he needs to have a “face to face conversation” to see what I need from him going forward. Since Cruise and I have such open communication lines, I told him that Roberto is coming, and that he might want to brace up.
Lola: I think it would probably be a good idea if you braced yourself for me working something out with Roberto this weekend.
Cruise: I know. Can’t say I like that idea, but I also know that I can’t fight it.
Lola: Part of me says reconnecting with Roberto is the best solution given that I’m still in love with Tristan and wanting him to come back to me. That way I don’t hurt anyone new with my intense feelings for Tristan and Roberto is not really available anyway, so it works.
Cruise: So in summary are you saying that because of your conflicted feelings about Tristan you would pursue a different relationship because you don’t want to hurt me?
Yeah. That basically sums it up.
Cruise said he would rather propose another route besides recycling old lovers. Maybe he’s right. Is it time for an Eat, Pray, Love journey yet? I know I’m about ready to go to another country to escape myself.
Let’s just get through the Roberto weekend and see what next week brings. I have this nagging feeling that I’m wasting my life. Maybe a knight in shining armor is the only thing that can save this damsel in distress.