My head is spinning. And splitting.
Per usual, I had a whirlwind week, which included one counseling session where my relationship and friendship (both) with Tristan ended (again), and Liam told me he loves me. All with a million nuances intricately laced into both.
I will start with the saddest and biggest news of the counseling session in which my relationship with Tristan ended.
Tristan and I have been in the on/off relationship/friendship mode for about 4 years now, and each time it ends the same way: Him telling me he doesn’t want to move forward, and me bawling my eyes out. Thus, our counselor proposed the idea that we might want to have a ritual to commemorate and bury the relationship. I have never heard of having a funeral for a relationship, but I must say, it does make some sense. In the way a burial of loved ones can help us move forward, I suppose a relationship burial would do the same thing.
Heavy. Very fucking heavy.
I left that session, went home, crawled into bed and sobbed like a baby. Shortly into the crying session, I got a text from Liam asking me what I was doing. My response was the pure unadulterated truth: “Lying in bed sobbing. I had one of the most difficult conversations of my life this morning.” He immediately offered to come over, but I declined. Instead, I thought we could meet for drinks that evening, which is exactly what we did.
It was during this drinking soirée, that Liam informed me that the reason he thinks he hasn’t had an orgasm is because he is used to fucking tiny women. (yes, he used the word tiny, and this is the second time he has used this adjective in describing his taste in women. and is therefore not SEXUALLY “used to me” yet, even though he is PHYSICALLY attracted to me. (eg: he thinks I’m gorgeous). He went on to tell me that he wants to have a relationship with me, because he loves me and he’s not ready to walk away from a woman like me. His exact words were: “Women like you are NOT a dime a dozen. Women like you are once in a lifetime.” He proceeded to say that sex is a very small part of a relationship, and in 20 years, it will be even less important. Logical? I don’t know. I thought the entire thing was really quite depressing. I love sex. I love feeling sexy. He said I should not have to change my body for him, that he just needs to adjust his mentality.
The whole conversation did not improve my mood one iota. As Jez said, it only added insult to injury after my horrible counseling session. So yeah. it’s been a whirlwind week. I’m ready to move far, far away. The only problem with that is; wherever you go, there you’ll be.