In spite of no orgasms to report, I am happy to inform you that the sex was MUCH better. Like about 10 times better, in fact. I would go so far as to say it was quite enjoyable.
I think we have resolved this notion that he is gay. He assured me that the lack of his orgasm has been due to a combination of issues in his head, and the fact that he usually has to be in love with a woman to have an orgasm. He went on to explain that things have been too up and down with us for him to get very comfortable with his emotions for me. This made a lot of sense to me since I am so freakin’ erratic. Given the fact that he also knows I’m still sleeping with Tristan, it’s no wonder he can’t let himself fall for me. I wouldn’t fall for me either!
I asked him why he told me that he felt like he “couldn’t go deep with me,” thus making me feel like I was the reason he couldn’t have an orgasm. He sheepishly hung his head and told me I was right, that was a dick move. I concurred, and told him if he feels like he can’t “go deep with me” it’s because he’s not putting his back into it, that he needs to actually thrust. Ha ha. He was very amused by my “calling him out,” and again, quite sheepish.
He wanted me to sleep over, so I told him I would (against my better judgement). But after about an hour in his bed, talking and canoodling, I felt like it was a bad idea and bailed. He was pretty pouty about it, playfully trapping me with his iron-like legs and trying to kiss me into submission. But in spite of his best efforts to change my mind, I managed to extricate myself from his bed, locate my clothes scattered throughout the living room, and slip away into the night with a deep sense of relief.
But in spite of the reassurance in my head that I would be sleeping alone last night, I also left feeling very close to Liam after our night of deep emotional connection. I feel like I could fall in love with him if I wasn’t hanging onto Tristan. If I just could let go of Tristan, I believe I could make room for Liam.
I guess we’ll see what happens tonight. Wish me luck.