It seems like I tend to make a decision and then do the exact opposite. I can’t figure out what the hell is wrong with me.
As I wrote yesterday in my post “Jez and Lola’s Favorite Subject: Sex,” I was all set NOT to have sex with Liam in order to ensure that I wouldn’t immediately regret it and kill the possibility of a future with him. But after spending several hours with him, having so much fun, feeling so comfortable, laughing and chattering on about everything under the sun, I felt almost like we were a couple. And when he pulled in the driveway to drop me off at my house and asked brightly, “Am I coming in?” I foolishly said, “Sure!”
I guess you could say we had sex last night. He wasn’t very hard and neither of us orgasmed. It was pretty uneventful, but we drank a bottle of wine before it happened, and he mentioned that he’s always nervous the first time he has sex with someone.
Whatever. I didn’t even care. I probably couldn’t have handled his huge cock completely hard anyway. Not after months of no sex. (ouch). Somewhere after the wine was gone and making out on the couch, I made the decision to go ahead and just get it over with so it wouldn’t be such a big thing in my mind. Real romantic, huh?
Afterwards, he sort of snuggled up to me and said, “If I wake up in the middle of the night, can I fuck you?” I laid there silently for a moment, somewhat stricken by the news that he was planning on sleeping over, and said, “Uhhh, Hmmm.” I scrambled for words that eluded me. I finally regained my composure enough to say, “I need to say something to you, and it’s going to be awkward.”
Liam was completely undeterred by my proclamation and said rather indifferently, “Okay, go ahead.”
I lay there trying to think of how to formulate the words in a way that it wouldn’t be offensive, but I wasn’t coming up with a way to do it. He patiently waited for me to get my thoughts together, and I finally blurted, “So you are planning on spending the night?”
Without missing a beat, he replied nonchalantly, “I don’t have to, if that’s not something you want.”
I felt relief wash over me like a warm wave and said, “Okay, I just don’t think I’m ready for that, yet, and I’m sorry to report this news to you because I really do like you and I don’t want to ruin what we have going. It seems like I’m always saying I’m not ready for something.”
“It’s totally fine,” he said soothingly. “If it’s not right for you, I want you to tell me, because it should be right for both of us or it’s not going to work.”
Satisfied with his understanding, I relaxed a bit and finally made eye contact with him. He was perched on one elbow looking down at me with a very mystified look on his face. I kind of smiled at him and he said rather curiously, “You’re a funny fish.” I half-laughed and said, “Don’t try to figure me out, I can’t even figure myself out, so please don’t waste your time.”
He just chuckled and then kissed me with renewed passion. Only time will tell how this is all going to shake out. But right now, I honestly don’t care.