Well folks, I have had a grand epiphany tonight. An epiphany which has me feeling both sad and peaceful simultaneously.
After having a very wonderful date with Liam the other night, which ended with the perfect kiss and the sweetest of texts from him, I have just endured 3 days of anxiety over seeing him again.
I am very attracted to him, I LOVE his personality and I enjoy being with him very much, yet I dread getting together. Have you ever heard of such craziness? The only thing I can conclude from this duress, is one thing; I am in no position to be dating.
Not while I’m still in love with Tristan.
I have no idea if/when that will ever change, but I gotta tell you, I really hope it does, (and fast), because watching great guys come and go from my life all because I love a man who can’t love me is for the birds.
After dating roughly 50 different men over the past several years, I, of ALL people know how rare it is for me to connect with ANY MAN. And here is Liam, quite possibly a “Lola Soul Mate,” whom I just cannot get close to because of my own demons. DAMMIT, that really sucks.
But it is a reality which I am facing. Therefore, I will cancel my impending date with Liam (which I obviously too hastily initiated), and shut down my dating profile for now. It makes me sad, but I also know that it will be less frustrating for me, and won’t waste his (or any other man’s) time.
So for now, I walk alone. Bring on the chocolate and wine. (and I guess I better get a damn vibrator).