Some women have orgasms at the drop of a hat, or maybe I should say, the flick of a tongue. For them it is purely a natural reaction to physical pleasure. Both Elle and Jezebel have indicated they have been able to experience this type of thing on a regular basis.
I’m not one of those women.
For me, an orgasm occurs only when my mind allows it to, and 9 times out of 10, I’m so moved by the event that my immediate response to it is tears. A guy could lick my clit all day long and fuck me every which way but Sunday, but unless I decide to let myself, I will not have an orgasm. Hell, I even masturbate sometimes and find that my mind won’t let me orgasm. So what has to happen for my mind to unlock my vagina?
It’s very simple. SOUL. I have to feel like I’m the center of the man’s universe. I have to be assured that he wants no other, and feels that I am the absolute best. If not, then I’m just another woman. And folks, let me tell you, I am most certainly NOT just another woman.
You may think this is a lot to expect from a man, especially in the early stages of a relationship. But sometimes at the beginning, it’s easier for me to feel that I’m the center of his universe than after the months or years of baggage that an old relationship carries. Obviously, the deeper the connection, the more intense my orgasm is, but I have achieved them with embryonic relationships as well as after 8 years together.
After my ex-husband (Javier) confessed that he cheated on me, I never had another orgasm with him. Oh, wait. There was that one time right before our divorce that we had sex for the last time. When I fantasized that it was Roberto, and was reduced to tears as the earth moved under our bed. But the point is, that once I no longer feel that I am the most special woman in a man’s life, it is nearly impossible for my mind to unlock the soul of my vagina.
I suppose this is why the last few times I was with Tristan, I could not have an orgasm. I think I just felt that he was using me because I was there. Not like all the times before when he made me feel so special and cared for. And that is when I lose interest in sex, when I know there is no possibility that I can have an orgasm. I may still be interested in pleasuring a man, as a means of feeling like a powerful woman. I mean, I have given my share of blow jobs just because I want to show off my sexual prowess. But I have no interest in receiving pleasure from a man whom I don’t feel is 100% into me…in every way.
Every part of who I am needs to be appreciated during love-making. If not, a man may enjoy himself immensely while he’s with me and never know just how little I really think of him.