Breaking up / Dating

Jez and Lola talk Sex/Dating

Jezebel and I had what I thought was an interesting email exchange which I think is better shared ‘as is’ rather than summarized in a blog post.

Jez: I have no idea if this would be any good at all, but its title made me think of you: (For those who do not wish to click the link, a photo of the product is below.

Lola:  Timely. I’m a frickin’ nutcase. I almost sent the below message to Avery in the middle of the night because i was FREAKING out.  But i decided to wait until today to see how I felt.

I am not relishing what I’m about to say, but I am also sure that I have to say it. I do not want to go forward with dating you.
From our conversations I feel that we are not sexually compatible, and I am not going to waste either of our time only to have one or both of us get hurt. There is no point in delaying the inevitable.

When we were answering those questions online, some of the things I suspected about our sexual compatibility were confirmed:
You said you would want sex every day, I just don’t see that happening. You said you want sex in public places, or where it could almost be that you would get caught. I have zero interest in that. My kinky days are over and I think my vanilla days are here for good. I just want to have good heartfelt love-making sessions (preferably in a bed, or on a couch) with someone I care about.

I am more interested in a soul connection then a sex connection. That is to say I would take a life without sex if I had an intense emotional connection. What matters most to me is being able to express my innermost thoughts to someone and know they will still love me, and sex takes a big back seat to that. I guess you might say the only time sex matters to me is when I’m in love. I can take it or leave it most any other time.

I have had too many one-sided relationships in my life to embark on one that is already stacked against us in such an important area. I have learned to trust my instincts, and my instincts are saying we are not right for one another.

You are very impressive. So handsome, obviously intelligent and driven, funny, sweet, an attentive lover and a million other things.
This is really about my sexual desires or perhaps we could classify it as the lack thereof. I know myself very well and I know my threshold when it comes to this department, and if I’m not 100 percent comfortable, it’s just no good.

This is not an area which I can compromise, I have too much baggage. You deserve a kinky woman to help maximize your sex life and enjoy that sexy cock. I would not do you or it justice, and I want you to have your desires fulfilled.

My mind is made up, and you may think it’s unfair of me to do this before we even get started, but as I said prior to now, I have learned to trust my instincts, and I feel now is the best time to do it.

I would love to be your friend should you decide that is something you also want. If not, I wish you the very best, and thank you for a great night.


Jez:  WOW. So how DO you feel today? I can see how those differences would cause friction in a potential relationship. You might end up feeling like the stereotypical wife/gf/lover who never wants to do what the guy wants to do… sex is too important to be completely out of sync about.  (I have to admit, I giggled when I saw your use of “vanilla”. 🙂 )

Lola:  I think Avery and I are no good, but he’s so dire about me that I’m giving it one more date to see what’s up. I decided it would be too harsh to send that email after one date. He’s insistent about cooking for me again this week, but I’m insistent that we go out for drinks after dinner.

Jez: He does sound quite dire, but I do wish you weren’t having another date at his home… that puts so much WEIGHT on things, especially after what happened last time…. you guys went 0 to 70! You need to be back in a school zone!

So there you have it, that is exactly how we girlfriend’s help each other process the dating drama of our world. Thanks for listening, Jez.


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