Dating / Experimentation / Online dating

Lola takes a new FWB

Maverick doesn’t know it yet, but he’s going to be my new “Friend’s with benefits” (FWB). And Avery doesn’t know it yet, but he does not fit the bill.

Avery wants a relationship,  and Maverick doesn’t think he can put his heart on the line again for love. I’m with Maverick. Relationships suck, love takes way too much energy.

I told Tristan this very thing 3 years ago on our first date, and that is how we became entangled romantically. Given the fact that I’m sick of feeling like the only one who cares about our relationship, I’m ready to cut him loose and find me a new FWB.

The way I see it, there are three things that can happen when you are in a FWB relationship:

A. One party falls in love with the other and wants more

B. Neither party falls in love, and continue to have sex forever or until they find someone else

C. Both parties fall in love, continue having sex and develop a relationship

This being my third time around, I am going for either B or C.

I have successfully completed option B with no ill effects before, but what seems to be the biggest offender is option A. I’ve been on both sides of that coin, having been both the one who was fallen for in one instance, and the one who fell in the next, and I’m not going back to either. I’ll hold onto my heart with a death grip before I fall in love by myself again.  Although in my defense, I waited until Tristan gave me all the signs that he was falling for me before I actually caved. Little did I know that he would snatch his heart back the moment he gave it to me. 

So I have a plan. I will propose the FWB option to Maverick, who already seems to be on board, given the fact that he invited me to Vegas with him the other day. And I will tell him that if he finds himself falling for me, he must tell me right away so we can decide what to do next, and I will do the same. No bullshit, the INSTANT one of us feels more than friendship, we have to be straight with each other so no one gets hurt.

Given my history, I know I can do it, but he has to be sure he can. And from what I can see about Maverick, he’s a straight shooter, so this should not be a problem.  All I want is honest communication each step of the way. You wouldn’t think that would be so hard, but when people are constantly fluctuating in their emotions, it fucks everything up.

I’ve done the FWB with Tristan for 3 years now, off and on, and I’m worn down from the emotional roller coaster we’ve been circling on. One day he loves me, the next he doesn’t. I love him every day. Either way you slice it, that’s not a recipe for a healthy FWB, or a healthy relationship.

Let’s see if Maverick and I can do it better.


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