Lola:Dating When You’re In Love (with someone else)

It’s been 4 months since my last post, and what a 4 months it has been.

You might say my life has not gotten any less complicated this year, as I had been hoping. This was largely due to a business venture that ended up being a Ponzi scheme, but my love life has not exactly been quiet either.

Tristan has re-entered the love scene.

I believe when love is real, it’s always real. That’s how I know what we have is real, because it keeps coming back.  But just because it’s real, doesn’t mean it’s simple.

Things have gotten marginally less complicated with us this go around.  We are more than friends with benefits, but still less than a couple.  I would say we are closer to being a couple than the prior though.  To be honest with you, I’ve never cared about our title, just about us being on the same page, and I would say this time we are. Current status: Somewhat open relationship. (how’s that for muddled clarity? lol)

Because I love Tristan so much, it is difficult for me to date other people, but I have done some of that since it seems to make him feel less confined by our relationship.  The problem with doing this, of course, is that with dating comes sex…at least if you have more than a few dates with someone. (see also Dustin).

One thing you may or may not know about me by now is that once I find a guy I like, I don’t let him get too far off my radar before I pull him back in. And quite frankly, since I have no commitments in the love department, I don’t want at least one of those guys getting too far away. (see also Dustin).

I like Dustin. I always have. He has it all. Good looking, smart, open-minded, hilarious, sexy body, beautiful cock, attentive to me in every way, excellent style and impeccable grooming habits. Seriously. He has it all.  And he once managed to get me to spend the whole night with him, which is something only 3 men have accomplished in the past 6 years.

He’s been consistently showing interest in me for about a year now. The message he sends me with absolute clarity is that he wants a relationship with me. He knows about Tristan and he thinks it’s a joke that I’m still hanging on (like most other people who know about Tristan). Yet he’s not condescending or accusatory about it, just very clear that he thinks I deserve better, but he tells me; Only you know what you really need, and I’ll support whatever you decide.  See how wise he is? How can you not appreciate that kind of comment? That’s how Elle and Jezebel feel too, which is why they are writers on this blog and among my best friends.

So about a month ago, Dustin texted me with a business need. (no, seriously). He invited me over to his place to discuss the details. I could have insisted we meet elsewhere, but since I am not completely satisfied in the love department, I decided to go over and see what happened. Well, what happened was that I almost had sex with him, and if it weren’t for a voice inside me head telling me that I needed to re-establish the rules with Tristan, I probably would have. (That and the fact that I hadn’t shaved my legs.)

I extricated myself from his bed, and Dustin (being ever the gentleman he is) put on some clothes and walked me to my car.

I emailed Tristan (who was off in another country) right away saying we need to talk about the parameters of our relationship and his response was it’s fine if I’m “dating” other people. I clarified it further by explaining explicitly what that might entail for me.  He told me rather sarcastically to enjoy the drama of my dating life, so I guess that’s just what I’m going to try to do.

Maybe one of these days Dustin will actually win me over and my life will be considerably less complicated.  Hey, a girl can dream, right?


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