Dating / Experimentation

Lola talks affairs

I have never understood the types of people who have affairs just for sexual reasons. Both Elle and Jezebel would probably tell you that they understand it,  but me? I just don’t get it. When it comes to me and men, I go straight for a soul connection. So emotional affairs are right in my wheel-house of comprehension.  While married,  my husband had many affairs just for sexual pleasure, so I know first-hand what the answers are when you ask someone why.  He always would say: “It’s just sex. I just wanted to feel good.”

Like many other women out there, I have had my share of offers from men who are either married or in a committed relationship and just want to have a good time. I wrote last fall about a Hollywood producer who came on to me. (Lola and Warner Bros.) In the subsequent weeks after he tried to jam his tongue down my throat, he pursued me heavily, and even offered me access to his private jet so I could come and f**k  him whenever it suited him.  I graciously declined.  Also last year, a very handsome lawyer and I instantly hit it off at a party. He was the best looking guy in the room by far, not to mention; funny and smart as hell. We chatted for about an hour, at which point we began to make out in a corner. Someone later came up to me and informed me that he has a long-time live-in girlfriend. I was surprised, because it never came up in our conversation. I just figured if he was coming on to me so openly in front of his friends that he was single. So I asked him about it, and sure enough, he hung his head in shame and admitted it was true.

Now I love letting loose and having a good time, but I can honestly say that sex with a “taken man”  just for f**k’s sake has never appealed to me.  Maybe because I’ve been the woman that the husband cheated on. Maybe because of my moral code, or maybe I would rather know a man cares and loves me for who I am as opposed to knowing I’m a sex object. Don’t get me wrong, I love to be told I’m sexy and to know a man wants me so badly that he can hardly stand it.  But I want to know there’s more to it than that. That’s what really gets me going. If I know there is another woman in his life, it’s less likely I’ll be interested.  I’m good enough to be the only woman in a man’s life, I certainly don’t need to be sharing.

I guess we all have our baggage and reasons for doing things. But I really wish I could understand the mindset of someone who just wants to stay in a committed relationship and f**k around. It seems to me that those are the kinds of people who should just be single.

Anyone who wishes to enlighten me, I’m all ears.  Tonight I’m just sick of “taken” men pursuing me. But I’d love to hear the thoughts of others.

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3 thoughts on “Lola talks affairs

  1. Intellectually (that is to say if I take out all emotion out of it), I understand it. It’s hedonism, it’s simplification, it’s immediate gratification. But we’re not solely intellectual beings, and to tell you the truth, I don’t get it. I never got it. For me, I can’t, for the life of me figure out how people can be capable of doing something that they so adamantly want as qualities in their own partners. How do you cheat when you value love and fidelity?

    I mean, you have your compartmentalized thinkers. The ones who can rationalize their behavior by claiming that they can separate their emotion from their action. “It was just sex. I don’t actually love them.” I never buy that. To me, those people choose not to take a look at their reality, and either are in deep denial, escapists, or hedonists who only look at their own pleasure. Then you have your Needs: the ones who don’t have their needs met and are constantly looking for places to get it instead of talking with their partner. These people strike me as lazy and uncommunicative.

    I think a lot of people are CAPABLE of it, but in the end it’s a matter of strong vs. weak. Lazy and simple vs. Dedicated and emotional. The guys that seem to be seeking you out are just weak. They want something simple because their lives are complicated. They want sex, but aren’t hardwire to communicate it with their partner. And in the end, a lot of guys are linear thinkers. We think from point A to point B and we think about how to get there. That single minded pursuit is both our strongest and weakest trait. Like I said. I understand it. I don’t condone it, and I certainly will never “get it.” Sorry those guys are doing that to you. Please note, they do not represent our gender. Man License revoked.

    • Very Interesting thoughts. Thanks for letting me into how you think on the subject. I guess I feel that it’s also weak to cheat while staying in a committed relationship, unless it’s an open one.

      • Agreed. I think a lot of people need to understand that it’s not an open relationship if only one person feels that way, and you haven’t communicated this with your partner. Also the best kinds of open relationships that I’ve seen are ones where there is well established trust. The whole idea that, “Yes, you can go play, but at the end of the day you come home to me.” That I can bend my head around. Cheating just cheapens the experience for everyone, and honestly as we said, it’s only for the weak.

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