Now that I’m in my 30’s, I hesitate to use words such as “always” and “never,” as I’ve gotten burned more than once by using such strong, black-and-white language. But in this particular instance, I have gone out on the “always limb” a few times, since my experience has taught me it’s a pretty safe limb to be on. The instance in which I have been guilty of this is when I tell Jezebel and Elle with regard to their lovers: “Just give him some space and he’ll be back, they always come back,” I say. It’s just a law of nature, or at least this has been my experience with the men I’ve dated. Sometimes it’s not easy to let them go to see if they’ll return, and I’m the first to admit that when I love someone it’s very difficult for me to back off. But I have been successful at it a few times, and in particular I succeeded in that endeavor with the guy who resurfaced several weeks ago.
One thing about me is that I do love unpredictability. And last month, I was served a very large helping of it when my ex-boyfriend Tristan called, totally out of the blue, after nearly 9 months. Shock is definitely a word I would use given the last time we spoke he informed me he was moving on without me. We tried the relationship thing, we tried the friend thing, and then we tried the friends with benefits thing, but since we were not on the same page at the same time, all of the above failed miserably.
I was sitting at my computer when my Skype started buzzing and I saw his name on the caller ID. I was dazed momentarily, stunned into almost feeling like it was an out of body experience and was not really happening.
“Helllooo???” I asked questioningly.
“Well hello yourself, are you busy?” His voice came through, strong and sexy from the other end of the line. And in that moment, I was transported back to the world when we were together, just that quickly.
And thus began a lively conversation, which ended with him asking me to meet him for dinner, and me accepting his invitation.
If you have followed this blog at all, you already know that Tristan I have had quite an entangled relationship for two years and my feelings for him are very strong. His were/are as well, but as so many relationships are burdened with, ours was also laden with the curse of bad timing. It was an on and off again kind of thing, one day we were friends, one day we were lovers and there seemed to be no clear path as to where we were headed. It was an ambivalent relationship to say the least. You may know by now that these are my specialty. It seems I am a magnet for these types of relationships.
So since I had nothing going on, and I was extremely curious to hear what was on his mind, I accepted his offer to meet for dinner. Through the course of the evening, his body language was quite favorable as he flirted with me from a somewhat safe distance, almost as if to assess my reaction.
I flirted right back, and even ramped it up a few notches from time to time to let him know that I was pleased to be in his presence. I was very flattered that he wanted to be with me and I felt he should know how much I appreciated his company. So we caught up on each other’s lives and had a very comfortable time together, I thought. I found myself realizing how much I had actually missed him, and I wondered a few times if he would drop any sort of bomb on me about why he called me so randomly, but he never did, and I never asked. As the evening progressed, and the emotional bond was further reinforced, I fought the urge I had to leap into his lap, rip open his pants and have my way with him, since I could not help but to remember our sex-life being absolutely amazing. I managed to pull it together and restrained myself since he seemed to be doing fine in that regard.
After dinner we went our separate ways, and he sent me a text saying that he enjoyed the evening. Since then he has been acting almost as though we have never been apart. And at this point, it seems as though we might be drifting towards the ambivalent place where we left off.
Of course only time will tell about what his motives are with regard to me, and how I will feel if they are actually revealed. At present, I do have my fair share of men circling the waters, as well as more than a few emotional hang-ups when it comes to love.
But for now, I will enjoy basking in the glow of an old flame. Welcome back, Tristan. I’ve missed you.