Dating / Online dating

Lola and married men

Many of my readers already know this, but my long time love of 8 years (Roberto) was married when we met, and to this day is still residing under the same roof with the wife whom he has had no intimate relationship with for more than 15 years now. They have maintained separate bedrooms for that entire time as well, and basically function as roommates.

We met when I was also married, but nothing romantic was ever discussed between us until I left my husband and moved 800 miles away. (ah yes, irony). That was when Roberto and I became lovers.  I will not bore you with the details of why or how it happened, but I will say this: I trusted him when he told me that he did not wish to be married to her and he wanted me. In fact, I still believe that is true, but I do not believe he will ever do anything about it.

What very few people know about me, is that my first love (Frazier) was also married when we met. In his case, it was a common-law marriage that I did not find out about until after we dated for nearly a year. This came as a complete shock to me, not only because I was a mere 19-year-old just getting started in life, but because we spent most of our time together at my apartment or various restaurants where he knew he was not likely to encounter anyone he knew. He also had me over to his house a few times when she was away. I had no reason to believe he had a girlfriend, much less a common-law wife whom he had been shacked up with for 12 years. I found out the day she chased us down, drove us off the road and irately marched up to the truck we were in and began waving a gun around.

As a result of these fairly traumatic life experiences of going back and forth with married men, I now have zero tolerance for getting involved with another one.  I have seen the movie, and I know how it ends.

So a few months ago when a married guy contacted me online and said he and his wife were getting a divorce soon, I held up my hand and said, “hold it right there.”

Now it is not my role to believe or disbelieve what his intentions are.  In fact, I really have no concern one way or the other, because my only job was to explain to him my boundaries in that I would be happy to be friends, but as long as he is living under the same roof with his wife, that is all it would ever be. So we became friends. He called me a few times and we would shoot the breeze, then he began saying things like: Things are so difficult for me at this point, and you are one of the brightest spots in my life now. I want to meet you. I think I’m falling in love with you. And that’s when I hit the brakes and told him to get out of the car. Actually, maybe I didn’t even hit the brakes, it was more like I pushed open the door and kicked him out of a speeding vehicle before he was even done talking. Simply put, I told him to hit the road for a while to cool his jets. He threw a bit of a fit, but I stood firm. I asked him to let some time go by before contacting me again, and maybe we would be able to resume a friendship at some later date. Let me also take a moment to pause and say that I do like this guy, and if he were single I would likely be interested in him. So I also told him, “if your situation ever changes, I will go out to dinner with you if I’m not in a relationship.”

He has adhered to my wishes of not contacting me for the past 2 months. I heard nary a peep from him during that time, but just last night he crossed my mind and I thought to myself: I guess he has found another woman to talk to by now and I probably will never hear from him again. Well, his ears musta been burning folks, because today he contacted me via text message. The conversation is below.

Married dude: Has it been long enough?

Lola: Do you think we can be friends?

Married dude: Will I ever escape the friend zone?

Lola: The friend zone is for married people. I told you if your situation ever changes I will go to dinner with you to see what is up.

Married dude: Okay, bye.

Lola: Bye

So what do you think? Have I seen the end of him? I do not think I have. If he resurfaces again, I promise to give him a better name than “married dude.”


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