Today it hit me. I have spent nearly the past decade entrenched in various love triangles.
Triangle 1 (duration 3 years): Javier/Roberto/Lola (this was the beginning of me being torn between two men) It was an emotional affair that took place during my marriage to Javier.
Triangle 2 (duration 3 years): Alex/Roberto/Lola – This went on so long simply because Alex fought very hard to keep me in his life, (and we both thought the sex was great).
Triangle 3 (duration 2.5 years):Tristan/Roberto/Lola – This went on so long largely because I fought so hard to keep Tristan in my life, (and we both thought the sex was great). I do not know if I would have been able to follow through if he had decided to give our relationship a real chance. In fact, I doubt very seriously that I would have. I think the minute he would have said he was ready to be in a committed relationship with me I would have gone running in the other direction, back into Roberto’s arms. (who ironically lives more than a safe distance of 800 miles away).
After getting kicked to the curb by Tristan, I began to really reflect on my love life. This led me to the decision of telling Roberto that I needed to move on without him, feeling that he must be keeping me from moving forward in my relationships. He has respected my wishes and backed away, thereby giving me the opportunity to move ahead in romance.
Now I find myself in another triangle in which Roberto is nowhere to be found. The pattern seems to be continuing without him. Thus the problem must be Lola.
Enter Triangle 4: Pierce/Andre/Lola – Totally new people, except one. What is the deal here? Am I scared to relinquish my heart/control to one man? I had a fan from our Facebook page ask me if I am looking for something to pass the time as opposed to a relationship, he asked if I was just looking for a “project”. That has stuck with me, almost haunted me for a couple of weeks now. I do not look at either of the men currently in my life as projects, but I do see myself fighting harder for the more elusive one. What would I do if he grabbed back? Would I run away as fast as I could into the arms of the other one? I see feelings developing for both men. Both are wonderful guys that I admire and adore.
I do think being in a love triangle is safe on many levels, and I know how to do it. That does not mean I want it. Also, I am not sure that any of us are ready to go to the next level (we are all just getting to know each other still.) Both guys know I’m dating the other, but feelings are starting to make things somewhat difficult for me.
I wouldn’t blame either one of these guys if they broke the triangle simply because I am too much work. But if laying my romantic history all out like this is any indication of the future, I think it’s clear that another triangle would soon appear.