The amount of leeriness I had for online dating up until now was fairly significant. I didn’t think it was strange when other people did it, in fact I wholeheartedly support it for other folks, but as for me? Well, not so much. It just seemed pathetic or something. I said, I’m not that desperate…yet. Maybe when I’m 50 and still single I will resort to that option then. Yet here I am, many years shy of turning 50 but something pulled me into that world.
Now this is not my first rodeo when it comes to this type of thing. I met my ex-husband (Javier) in a chat room, back when they were just coming out. Being the adventurous woman I am, of course I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. I never dreamed I would meet a man and get married. I just thought it would provide me some fun opportunities to chat with men and learn how people are.
But the drama that surrounded my family and friends when I told them I met a guy in a chat room and he was flying to meet me was enormous. My parents almost blew a gasket, in fact, my mother most assuredly did. So the last thing I want is to have to go through that all over again someday, which is one of the main reasons I have been avoiding this form of dating. I mean, I just know I’m going to hear: Do you really think this is a good idea? Look how your relationship with Javier turned out. The fact that we met online has no bearing on him being a serial cheater. He could have met me at church and had the same problem. After all, he was an associate pastor, lest we forget. But I digress. Another story for another day.
So 4 days ago, at the encouragement of my friend Carlos, I joined the ranks of a popular free dating site that he thought seemed fairly decent. Since then I have been keeping a small journal that I am posting on my profile for all to see. I will post it here now.
Day 1 on this site: Let me just say that I am very leery of this idea, but since I enjoy men’s company so much my curiosity has gotten the better of me. I have never used a “dating site” before, and it makes me feel somewhat desperate. So let me be clear: I am happy single and not searching for a relationship. That is NOT to say that if something wonderful came along I would reject it. I am just interested in having some fun by setting my own parameters for doing that.
Day 2 in the trenches of this site: I like good-looking men, (why wouldn’t i?) but what I really want is a man who can be soulful, wise, intelligent and funny. I don’t care about age, just soul. I am starting to think that is asking too much of the majority of the men on this site. Come on lines will not get you anywhere with me. Being real will get you everywhere. If being yourself means you tell me right out of the gate you just want sex, then be a man and say that to me. It will impress me more than this ridiculous cat and mouse game I’ve seen so far. If you guys want me to hang around on this site, you better step up your game. I can see why there are not many attractive women on here. We can’t be bothered with the level of play that is being offered.
Day 3: I am happy to say that there have been many men who have actually read my above rants and have taken it to heart. Thank you! This proves there really are some good men out there (which of course has been my hope all along). However, some have taken it too much to heart and offered me “job application like” emails. I am not a ball buster, I don’t need you to prove you are worthy to me. What I do appreciate is a man who doesn’t come out of the gate with offensive comments and come on lines. Another very boring thing to me are the emails I get that simply say: how are you today? I am sorry, but it is highly unlikely I will respond to those. They show no soul or connection of any kind. What they say to me is that I am just another pretty face (which I’m not). Oh, and today also my french press broke and I had to make instant coffee.
Day 4: I am engaged! Juuust kidding, although i was proposed to which was a cute/funny joke. Things are looking up. Some of you guys are actually very sweet and charming and I feel quite adored! Thank you! The most interesting thing that happened yesterday was that i got recruited for women’s wrestling. so if you watch this sport, maybe you will see me on the stage one day!!
But what I didn’t (and won’t) put on the dating site journal but will happily share with you my lovers: Is that 2 days ago by doing my own customized search, I found a man who intrigued me greatly. I sent him an email and he initiated a chat with me. Firstly, let me say this: Hilarious. He is hilarious. Our first chat was great as far as first chats go. Not your prototypical what do you do, what are your hobbies, blah blah boring blah…but somehow we circumvented that stuff and were able to just talk like good friends would. After that first chat, I really liked him and felt like we were similar. Several emails later, we chatted again last night. Into the wee hours of the morning we typed; for about 2 hours I guess. During which time I literally laughed my ass off due to the absolute hilarity of our interaction. This guy is a gem, I can just feel it. He requested to take me out to lunch and I told him I would like to wait a week to get my feet under me in this new world. I told him that while it may seem somewhat boring, since I am the only one in charge of me these days that I figured I had better stop racing full speed ahead without thinking things through a bit. He said, no problem, he would happily wait a week and would not become pushy even if I was boring him stiff. He is just the type I like, very well traveled, intelligent, witty, adventurous, open-minded, and has excellent writing skills (in fact the latter is what drew me in to his profile). He has been divorced for about a year and has 2 kids, and he is 9 years older than I am. I feel attraction to him even though I have never met him. I wonder what it will be like when we do meet? Hmm. Such a scary and exciting thought. After last night, I wouldn’t be surprised if I threw my panties at him during coffee. Oh wait, I’m not wearing any.