Grief/loss

Lola says: Are men just as emotional as women?

I have been fortunate to have very intense emotional connections with my lovers. This has been without exception.

They may not SHOW their emotions as much as I do, but this connection cannot be denied. This is what I (and I would venture to say, most women) want in a man. Emotional connection.

A man recently asked me: Don’t women want strong men?

My response was: Yes, but we don’t expect you to be invincible. And we don’t ALWAYS expect you to be strong. We know (and are well prepared for) those times when you will not be strong and we will have to be strong for both of us.

I can only recall one time that I felt a man was too weak. Once. And that was a professional male counselor who got tears in his eyes as I poured my heart out to him. I needed him to be strong. Hell, I was PAYING him to be strong and he failed me. That was the only time I felt a man was not strong enough. So I think it is safe to say that the likelihood you would be perceived as weak by a healthy woman when showing your emotions would be minuscule.

Showing women your emotions does not make us think you are weak. It makes us love (and respect) you all the more!

The best example that comes to mind is to share how this played out in my life in the following true story.

A man I loved very deeply was facing a mountain that was causing both of us problems. It was something he had not dealt with prior to getting into a relationship with me. So, at one point (inevitably) his problem became my problem.  The thing about this was that he was the only one who could “fix” it. I was helpless, except to provide patience and support.

One day the problem just became too much for both of us and I began to cry. I was quite shocked to find when I looked up to see tears running down his cheeks as well. At that moment, I felt truly helpless. My instincts as a nurturing woman were to just hold him and say “I understand.” I kept thinking; man, how can this problem be fixed?

After a few minutes, he seemed to steel himself with new resolve and he looked deeply into my eyes and said this: “I am sorry for all the pain I have caused you. You are such a sweet woman. I promise you that I will go see a professional therapist to see what I can learn about myself.”

At that moment, I swear I heard angels singing.  This is a perfect example of a strong man. This is a man with an unquenchable spirit, a man who is a survivor, a man who admits the problem and is not willing to be beaten by it. This is a man I admire. This is the man who inspires me to know when to ask for help and not to expect that I can do it all on my own.

This is a man who showed me his emotions. This is a man who used one of his weakest moments to become stronger. 

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One thought on “Lola says: Are men just as emotional as women?

  1. Showing emotions is healthy and natural for a man as it is for a woman. It displays our humanity.
    We often mix up emotions with strength. There is no connection whatsoever. I would even say that in our environment it takes courage and self confidence to show emotions. I consider myself a very self-confident, emotionally mature, strong individual. Yet I’m very emotional. I will shed a few tears when moved by a powerful movie or stage play. I equate emotion with passion. Often very passionate people are also very emotional. One of the prerequisites of being a strong leader is to have passion for a vision, a challenge, or any undertaking.
    The counselor that cried was weak not because he cried but rather because he lost control in a professional setting. Again, showing emotion is not a sign of strength or weakness. Emotion is a “feeling”, strength is an attribute, a characteristic.

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