Dating

Lola says: Hot or not? Give a dog a bone

Being an attractive woman in today’s society certainly has its’ pros and cons.

But i am not sure I have found it to be that much of an overall pro. Sure, it will get you free drinks at the bar, you will be asked to dance, receive compliments galore and asked out on dates fairly easily and often. But as I have become older and the more I have seen from the opposite sex I have to wonder, is this really a pro? Why again do we want all of this attention from men who rarely prove they have anything to bring to the table?

I had a girlfriend once who actually belonged to an online dating site called: Hot or Not? The premise was that you would upload various photos of yourself and subject yourself to a rating system from 1-10. Once you had so many ratings you were given a caption of HOT or NOT under your photo.  It was then subject to change as people rated you subsequently.  I was horrified when my friend mentioned this to me. She, on the other hand, was quite pleased because she had achieved the rating of “HOT” and was also using this venue to meet men.  I tried to illuminate her on the perils of her situation from a self-esteem standpoint,  which did not work. I then went for the angle of “men are dogs” and this was only feeding the frenzy, and that did not work.

So then I asked her: what is the point, really? Her answer was that it made her feel good when men thought she was hot.  She needed to be built up in this area because she was insecure.  Now I understand insecurity. I am a woman, after all.  I am not always on top of my game, and I worry about my weight along with the best of them. But that is because of MY standards, not some sweeping standard determined by society, but about the ways in which I feel sexiest.

It is safe to say that overall (thankfully), I just cannot be bothered with worrying if other people find me attractive. They either will or they won’t. I am either HOT or NOT. One thing I need like a hole in the head is to subject myself to a rating system by men who have no clue who I am.

I knew a guy once who tried to “rate me” in spite of me telling him; thanks but no thanks, I really don’t want to know what you think. He proceeded to give me a 9.  So once it was out there, (against my wishes) I decided to put him in his place once and for all.  I told him it was ridiculous to give me a 9 because I was nowhere near perfect. I further reiterated that I really had no desire to be “perfect” in his eyes, I just wanted to be me…after all, I like me, and the only rating that ultimately matters is the one I give myself.

His response? “Well, what number would you give me?” Uh…I think he has missed the point. Right over his head in fact. But he pressed for a rating, so I relented.

My first inclination was to rate him based on personality alone which would have been about a 3. But I decided that brutal honesty is not always the best policy and he was fairly good-looking so I generously gave him a 6, which funnily enough seemed to pacify him.

I guess I somehow instinctively knew the poor dude was just searching for an ego boost and for whatever reason at that particular time in his life, he wanted it from a woman he found attractive.


There was something so sad in his big, brown puppy dog eyes that night, so I decided that this was one dog I could throw a bone.

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