Dating

Lola on the same or different?

I can tell if I am going to like a guy within the first 5 minutes of a conversation. Does this mean I can tell if I would sleep with him or marry him in the first 5 minutes? No. But I am able to determine in that amount of time if this man interests me or not.  So far, I have never decided I liked a guy later on after months of friendship or wooing, it is all decided in the first 5 minutes for me. The chemistry is either there or it’s not. This is why I believe in love at first sight.

Now my instincts are good. I have learned to rely quite heavily on my intuition, and it rarely fails me.  Men that intrigue me are usually very intrigued by me as well. This means we are on the same page and have a chance at being compatible.  This is only the preliminary stage towards a dating relationship, but a necessary one for obvious reasons.

I have been most attracted to two personality types: The total opposite of me and the exact same as me.  Yes, I have dated others in between, but my long-term relationships have been with men who are either the opposite or the same (as defined by the Myers Briggs personality types).

There are valid points for why it has been good for me to date both. When I have an opposite personality type in my life, it helps balance me and creates a “whole” person because we both bring different things to the table. But I have found that I am generally happier with a man who shares my personality type. A simple way to describe it would be to say: we are the same, therefore we understand each other much better.  We have a similar way of dealing with life (eg. Do you shoot from the hip or prefer to plan? Do you recharge your battery by being with others or by being alone? Do you value logic, justice and fairness or are you more inclined towards compassion, empathy and love?)

My current love interest, Roberto (of 6 years) is the exact opposite personality type as me. I love to learn from him, as he is very wise. I love to study his ways of dealing with people and life in general.  But there are quite a few things we do not agree on, so it does end up causing some stress at times.

Exhibit A: He recently found a parking ticket on his car at a resort where it was not clearly marked that he should not park.  At this point, he had one of two options: pay the $8 ticket or fight it, (or ignore it).  I would have paid the damn thing and said who the hell cares? This is not worth the time it will take from my other fun activities to hassle with.  He chose to fight tooth and nail to get them to admit that they were in the wrong and that he was within his rights to park there, and he won. He saved $8, but more importantly to him, justice was served.  Now I couldn’t care less about justice being served in this case, and the fact that he was so bent out of shape over it was something that was incomprehensible to me.  But if there were no people like him, it is quite likely that nothing would ever get done in this world. Now the resort is alerted to the parking problem and is likely to try to clearly mark it for future guests. So while I do not understand why he was so bent out of shape about such a seemingly small thing, I do see the benefit in the actions he took to rectify the situation. This is probably the overriding reason we are still together even though we are the total opposite.  I am able to view life in a different way through his eyes, and it does help to round out my sometimes irresponsible and irrational nature.

But hell, being with someone the same as me is just so much fun! I want to have fun! This is life and I intend to maximize it by living it up!  It is often harder to do that with someone who is not of that mindset.

But since Roberto is older, he has become more balanced while retaining his same personality traits. I would say he is normally quite flexible and laid back, and now that he is older, he is ready to let loose a little more.  Without those qualities, I am sure he would have said “sayonara” to me a long time ago!  So while dealing with our differences is somewhat stressful at times, the bottom line is that we both want the best for each other and strive for compromise as much as possible. My personality fascinates him, and he tries to nurture it as much as possible instead of picking it apart and trying to change me.  I think that is the biggest danger of being with someone who is opposite of us: that we end up trying to change them to make them more like us.

So while it is sometimes easier to be with someone who is similar, it can also be very rewarding to be with someone who is our exact opposite. It is just more challenging. And you know me, I always love a challenge!

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One thought on “Lola on the same or different?

  1. Pingback: Opposites Attract | A Tell All Blog

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