Dating

Lola on soft vs. tough; stripping it all away

Lola says: A strong woman needs an even stronger man, not the reverse. Yes it is certainly true that behind every good man is a good woman. But it seems that in today’s society, behind every strong woman is a man cowering in the corner and a sea of strong women being led at her charge.  Women are overtaking the world, and I say it’s time to level the playing field.

As a woman who has been through quite a bit in my 35 years, I learned very early on in life that if I was going to make it in this cruel world, I would have to develop a thick skin. So I have tried to do exactly that, and I suppose I put up a good front most of the time.

But this body armor I haul around with is not exactly consistent with the natural female state. We are born as the weaker sex and as a result, we are more sensitive and loving and have the emotional side which keeps us vulnerable. This is not something I would want to change about women, it is what makes us sweet, sexy and desirable. As women we are the natural nurturing ones. But who takes care of us? Lesbians have it great, they are in the win-win situation. Unfortunately, I want a man.

It is extremely difficult for a single woman in this day and age to maintain a balance between strength and the natural vulnerability that comes along with simply being a woman.  It seems to me that if you let your guard down for a minute, your heart will get trampled on.  I have had some good experiences in love, so it is not all bad, but sometimes I just want to say:  Come on guys, step up to the plate and be men already! Men are getting a pass on being the stronger sex because we have had to learn to overcompensate for their weaknesses. We strong women are bailing your sorry asses out just so we can survive the daily grind. What will become of future generations if this sad cycle continues? Will men just retreat into their caves and women will overtake the world? I would not be surprised.

What I would really like to know is: where are all the strong, brave men?

I understand that men want strong women. I think we all can appreciate an independent and stalwart woman who is not going to fall apart at the first sign of trouble. I would consider myself to be one of the strongest women around, and as I have been often told; I am a real pistol!  But once in a while I just get tired of fighting, of being my protector and constantly looking out for myself, and I look around for a safe place to land.

Men: As women there are times when we are very strong. Times that we can kick some serious ass, make tough decisions and do all sorts of impressive things. But please also understand that there are times when this just ain’t possible.  At times we find ourselves drowning, and you are just sitting on the shoreline telling your buddies that you really feel badly about it. Sometimes we just need you there for us and let us take a breather from being so powerful and amazing. Sometimes we need to let our guard down enough to be vulnerable and just be loved. Sometimes you have to fight for us.

When a strong woman calls upon you for your support, please understand that it is nothing less than a privilege that you are being given, and at that moment you really do have the power to make us feel like the woman we were born to be. Safe, protected and just able to breathe, at least for a while.

Being tough is your job, being soft is ours. Yes, there is plenty of room for crossover. But let’s even the playing field here. Stop whining around about how you want stronger women, and be what you are looking for; be strong enough to be our men and let us be women. Be what this woman needs.

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