Dating

Lola on juggling men

Ever since my divorce more than 5 years ago, it’s raining men!  This of course makes perfect sense given the fact that I am an attractive, smart and hilarious woman. But it has proven to be quite difficult (even stressful) at times to switch gears between men. Obviously this is more problematic when there are feelings involved.  But if you have found yourself in the dating world, you owe it to yourself to give guys a chance to see if feelings will develop.  It is often very hard to walk this fine line, so I have developed a few tips to make it easier for you women and the men you are juggling.

1. Be honest. Tell the guy who is pursuing you if you are involved with anyone else and the extent of any other relationships. The best time to get this all on the table is right out of the gate.  I tell guys who want to date me that I am in love with two other men who care about me but cannot be with me due to their own issues, and that I have my hands full!  If a man still wants to get involved with me after that, it’s on them. And I have yet to meet a guy yet who didn’t want to be involved with me after I have laid it all out on the table.  I have found that most men just want honesty, they do not want to have to figure you out or read between the lines. Telling them exactly what you are dealing with will also give you peace and remove the initial pressure of feeling a need to please him. Please yourself first, the rest will follow.

2. Give the guy a chance.  This is where I have shut down in the past.  Depending on where my feelings are at the moment, I may miss the opportunity to date a really cool guy just because I am too focused on another situation.  It is hard to just switch gears when you are in love with someone else, but consider it like being on the popular t.v. show “The Bachelorette” where she is handed 25 guys to date and given the opportunity to see where any of those relationships might go. Your life should be lived to the fullest, and if you are not in a committed relationship, you owe it to yourself to give as many men as possible a chance to be your prince.  That is the risk the other men in your life face when they cannot give you a “real” relationship. So ladies, if a guy comes along that piques your interest, do not shut him out before he gets a chance to show you what he’s bringing to the table.

3. Keep it as light as possible/Reserve judgment.  Take the pressure out of dating by just being happy-go-lucky.  Let him be honest with you and try not to react in horror when he is.  There will be time later to be disbelieving and tell your best friend what he said. You have been honest with him, he deserves the chance to be honest in return. And isn’t that the goal anyway, to have open and honest communication between men and women? So whatever he says, take it with a grain of salt, do not react strongly in either direction and go with the flow.  We all have skeletons in the closet and have made our share of mistakes. Some are deal breakers, but I have found that most are not. Do not make any sweeping judgments while you are with him, but process later on in order to make a better decision.

4. The goodnight kiss. More often than not, these first kisses are awkward. I think it is simply something that most men feel they need to get out of the way in order to proceed to step 2 and beyond.  If you really like him, but the kiss was mediocre or just plain awful, do not despair!  As your feelings for one another grow, the kisses will get better and better. He will kiss you with more tenderness and passion when there is more feeling behind it.

All in all, juggling is not an easy thing to learn, but once you get the hang of it, you may never want to stop!  After all, is it really a bad thing to have too many men vying for your attention?

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